suspicious where money might be being hidden from me

[whydoiletthishappen]

H and I not getting on at all.

I am today wondering: he owns double what I earn. I pay approx 10 Direct Debits from the account I get paid to. I actually have two current accounts which my H knows all about. One I get salary paid to and the other is where the DDs are paid from.I move money across to the account for DD covering 2 or 3 times per month. This works well.

H gets set salary, no overtime. and I know what he clears after tax etc each month. H is paying a few monthly outgoings but nowhere near the take home sum. Where is the rest? Is he stock piling money out of sight and out of reach?

If we separate it's possible that he has put money in a place/account that I am not aware of so that he has a nest egg.

H knows what savings I have as I told him the sum when I opened the ISA 6 months ago. He did not say I have £XXX or any comment at all.

Is he hiding money? If I ask I think he'll think I am hiding money from HIM. Which i'm not. He knows about the savings held in my name, accumulated carefully over a number of years because we've been luck to be able to save a bit as well as paying out for usual things like cars, entertainment, clothes etc as we wanted.

WWYD?

Can you not access his online bank account? Can he access yours?

My dad had never let my mum know there financial situation even tho they both worked so my mum had no idea he had put loads of money into shares in his name only and things. He also put money into savings accounts that where in my name and his that as a child i didnt even know nor did my mum. So when they divorced my mum was not entitled to any of these things as they where in his name and he wasnt forth coming in telling everyone what he really had. She ended up walking away with peanuts because he was very savy and my mum was clueless so it can be done im afraid its always best if your married to know everything

Where does he keep paperwork? You need to turn detective. Look for passbooks and account details. Can he get personal mail delivered to work? Can you check browser history on laptop/PC?

We have one joint bank account that he moves money to once month. He must file away the bank statements from his salary receiving sole account. Years back we adding me to his sole account but at the time the bank wanted us both to attend an appointment in a branch and we would have had to wait 2 weeks for the appointment so ended up not bothering. I can control my money with no intergerenc3 from him as I run openly two bank accounts.I ensure there's enough to cover the direct debits.When H is out I will keep looking for bank statements as I think he does still get paper statements.Should I photograph on my mobile?

yes to taking photographs
photograph everything, create a private email address and don't tell him about it, send all pictures to said new email address so you have copies just incase
this way he can't access them if he doesn't know about the account, but if he deletes pictures from your phone you still have the evidence

That's clever! I saw a wage slip last week and have copied it and im keeping the copy at work. He cannot access my employment place. Very secure.

Thd joint account he can see and access although he never has. He's never needed to but I know that if one of us say has a stroke or is hospitalised (or cannot do our own banking) it makes good sense to have a joint bank account cos spouses cannot access spouses accounts so if an accident happened the well spouse could face frozen funds he/she needs to use for bills but cannot access. We don't have power of attorney for each other. I don't want to hide money I just don't want to have him hid money from me. We maybe separating and I'm now seeing stuff more clearly.

Just remember that copying and obtaining paperwork that isn’t yours can be frowned upon by the courts. At the start of my proceedings I was warned by solicitors to not obtain or hold copies of documents that weren’t mine even if they had relevance.

Oh I didn't know that. Thank you. X

Keep snooping and copy what you find, yes you can't take those copies into court or mention them but you can check form e for accuracy.

Thank you too. X

Maybe he's been on mumsnet and has been advised to " get his ducks in a row " and start a secret nest egg?

Yes take copies, you can use them to check whether he is being truthful or rather know what to ask about when/if he doesn't disclose fully in the event that you divorce.

Thanks. I do think we are headed for a divorce . I don't WANT to throw the towel in but I can't get him to talk to me about anything. He is in denial. I feel forced to get the house valued and ask him if he agrees to it going on the market for sale.

We're both residing in the house and basically he has the lounge and second bedroom and I have the kitchen and the large bedroom which is the same size.'His bedroom' has never been plastered or decorated so it looks hideous. What was 'our room' has been plastered and decorated about 8 years ago.He is not cooking other than a micro ready meal late in the evening and he's not making any drink while i am in the kitchen. The estate agents are not going to be enamored with the state of half of our house as there are some walls that are down to the old crumbly bricks (should have been decorated but never happened).