Divorce.

[WishfulT]

Looking for advice... A key thought keeps replaying over and over in my mind that came from the lips of a close friend. What she went through and what she had to deal with through her divorce. Absolutely unbelievable. She may be the strongest person I know. She's fully recovered and is the best version of herself you could imagine. She said to me "I would do it all again, even after everything I suffered. Her only regret was that she hadn't done it 5 years sooner."

I could and maybe should have left 10 years ago. I don't want to break up our children's lives.... I still love my wife, I don't want to hurt her but what do you do when there is nothing there and nothing left to try? I am the sole provider and have been as she quit working 18 months after we married. And had our first child. Went from nothing back then, with hard work, now have found moderate financial independence working a small business. I don't want another 5 years of my life to slip by in a flash. I'll admit I'm scared. When/what/how do your find the courage to do what you know in your heart may be the best for everyone?

I appreciate you sharing your experience and bravo on your insight. I'll admit that I am emotionally attached to my friend. I have been, just like you were on the tail end of your marriage, been sleeping in my own room. But I've been in my own room for 12 out of 14 years already. It has been a constant thorn in our marriage, and really a selfsttuggle for me to hold on to who I am. I still try with small thoughtful gestures, spontaneous flowers. Breakfast in bed. Even leave a sweet little love letter around the house every now and then. Someplace she will find. I don't want to lose myself in this process and grow bitter and let my own light grow dim. Not to mention, my kids see everything. Kids are all in school now. My wife stays home, I work 10-12 hours outside the house daily. My wife even refuses to make dinner but once a month or so. There's so much more to this. But it's not my emotional attachment to my friend. She's more concerned about me trying counseling etc. and not giving up. I have been in this place for so long....

Learn from the experts, not from your fantasies.

"That's why I'm here."

She's made it absolutely clear how devastating it was and that it took her a long time to get to where she's at. She doesn't want me or anything like that, she wants to help me. She won't even give me advice. Just a listening ear.

But it's a pretty big assumption to make that I'm having fantasies. Friend is just a friend of 20 years. Period Happens to be a woman. If it was my best guy friend of 20 years, there would be emotional attachment. They're called relationships. During divorce she had already made funeral arrangements, didn't think she was going to pull through the cancer. That's one of the reasons I stay strong person, faced that alone. This is about me and my wife and my kids. Nice to have someone there to listen.