Best schedule for 50/50 care

[lialiana]

Hi
So my (ex) partner and I are just in the process of separating. He's looking for a new place to live at the moment so we're thinking ahead to childcare. He wants 50/50 care of the children, ages 3.5 and 8, which is fine by me as we're quite amicable but I can't decide what the best schedule.
I feel like they need some stability so switching between houses every 2 or 3 days might be too much. We also want to make sure we alternate weekends.
I'm thinking maybe a week at each parent's house with a midweek overnight stay with the other parent? But I'd love to hear what has and hasn't worked for others with similar age children. Thank you.

We do not get on at all due to ex cheating! But this will not stop me making the arrangement work.

Due to ex being unable to have flexible from her work, I will have to collect kids from school even on her days!
This is not ideal as we want as little contact with each other as possible and I worry that it could be more confusing for the kids!

If it doesn’t work for all of us we may need to rethink the pattern. I like the sound of 2,2,5,5.

I'm sure these arrangements have their ups and downs and pros & cons but regardless of the relationship, as parents we have a responsibility to make it work.

Personally I'd really, really consider whether 50/50 is best for your kids. Forget his feelings, for a moment. Put aside yours. Is that what would help their development, their own lives, their parenting?

How have they been parented up until now? Do you both work partime and split childcare down the middle?

I am quite wary of 50/50 I think much of it is Dads wanting to feel that nothing is lost. For them as fathers. I know there are some people swear it's fine.

I wanted my son to have a base. I've lived with 50/50 with step kids and it had a fair few cracks, the kids often forgot stuff, parenting got more liberal, laid back, the kids learnt they could storm off to the other parents house if they didn't get their way, lying occurred using the fact they were at the other parents house, both parents started to indulge more as the kids had more power, they didn't have one clear set of rules, one clear parent keeping an eye on stuff from drinking to schoolwork. In the end the kids got sick of it and as soon as they were teenagers they opted for one house, the easiest one, and even now reject a lot of parenting as they threaten to go to the other parent if they do.

We work our schedule as if it is one week each starting with Friday after school, with a comfort break on the Monday. That means you get EOW but don't go more that three nights without the child seeing either parent. It has worked very well for my youngest and Teenager. They are both very happy and settled with the arrangement. As the swop over is always after school my ex & I rarely meet, although we do correspond via email, text & phone.

Friday from school thereby limiting the times it's necessary to see the other parent. Works ok. And they have their school stuff with them so fewer things get forgotten.

The bad changeovers are the holidays when everything ends up in the wrong place.

At 8 & 11 we have now dropped the Tuesday night extra which caused chaos on a weekly basis.

We have a 50/50 arrangement and it works ok mostly. Ex has mon tues fri, I have weds thurs sun, and we alternate sat. So effectively EOW.

We live a mile apart and are amicable / friendly now (weren't at the start!!). Takes a little organising at times re logistics etc and not getting annoyed by things like forgotten PE kits.

To those who say that it's selfish to push for 50:50, and that the NRP should be content with EOW, I'd ask if they themselves would be happy to only see their children once a fortnight? If yes then fair enough, but I doubt that's the case.

It can work I think, but is reliant on both parents cooperating - and plenty of tongue biting! It can sometimes be an inconvenience for DC, but upside is a good relationship with both parents.

Me and exh have a pretty much 50/50 split. Dec now age 13 and 15 but been divorced 6 years.
I have dc from sat tea time through to Wednesday. Then exh has them Wednesday after school til say tea time.
We are flexible with swapping and sleepovers etc as do are now old enough.
We live 5 mins apart and are amicable. Kids are happy and enjoy having time with us both. They have always been very secure in moving back and forth.