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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Child maintenance

6 replies

Musicalmistress · 05/09/2017 19:29

Sorry, this might be long. Ex & I separated 5 years ago, divorced last year. We have 1 DD nearly 10. He's previously had her for a couple of nights EOW, 1 night a week after school till after tea and for a few days during hols.
In the lead up to the divorce we had a separation agreement (not filed with solicitor, just written between us), in it he has our DD 2 nights 2 wkend out of 3, 1 after school till after tea time a week & 2 full weeks in the summer, other hols are by agreement (realistically, the odd night here & there). All fine & suits my DD too.
when we separated he took on the burden of the house/mortgage etc (my choice & totally fine with it), its recently sold & the profits split equally. But...when we wrote the separation agreement I was aware that he earns almost half what I do & was paying mortgage so...agreement says that neither of us will pay CM. But as time goes on my DDs day to day expenses are growing, don't get me wrong if I ask for him to split for new uniform or school camp etc it's not a problem but he pays nothing for her regularly.
I guess my question is - even with the separation agreement Cani ask him to pay CM? I'm happy to come to an arrangement between us but not sure if I have any leeway if he refuses? He's just bought a house with his new DP (all good - like her more than him lol & I also have a new DP) so I don't want to put pressure on that. Agh! Any help appreciated

OP posts:
AJPTaylor · 05/09/2017 19:40

Really and honestly? I think you could. But should you?
One hand. Daughter is entitled to be maintained by both parents yada yada yada
On the other hand, can you put a price on the harmonious relationship which benefits the child?
Maybe work out what he would be asked for by the calculator. And then possibly ask for him to pay more of her day to day expenses eg school dinners or clothes

Musicalmistress · 05/09/2017 20:11

That's what I was thinking AJPTaylor. Things are very amicable - ex & I attend parents night & things together, can chat things over re our DD & quite happily swap days etc to help each other out.mThe relationships are all positive - me & DP, EX & his DP all attend events together to support DD & I'd hate to jeopardise that!
Did a quick calculation & it came out £40 a week/£160 a month but was thinking I could suggest £100 a month and see what he says.
We had a chat about paying for dinners a couple of years ago & he offered to pay half but then didn't - I let it slide because he had a lot on his plate...didn't do us any favours in the long run by not bringing it up again. I honestly think he'd be open to an arrangement, I guess now I'm just not sure how to approach it.

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 05/09/2017 22:47

I think it's wrong that he doesn't make any regular payment for her upbringing. Regardless what he earns, he should be paying some regular maintenance and I bet he damn well knows it too.

SDaddy007 · 05/09/2017 22:50

My DS(4) stays with me 3 nights a week and I give my ex £400pm, I earn 35K. You really need to ask him for some money.

Ratbagcatbag · 05/09/2017 22:53

What about asking to have a joint account type thing and you both pay a set amount in say £75 per month. All dd stuff comes from that, so school dinners, trips, uniform, clothes etc. If it runs out you both top up? I'm just trying to think of another way that may work rather than him paying if you don't necessarily want to go down that route.

AJPTaylor · 05/09/2017 22:54

Well, if she is 10 maybe bring up the extra expenses that secondary school will bring? Might be a way in to the conversation?

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