I have been with my partner for over 5 years. He is abusive to me, emotionally very controlling in terms of what I do and he is always right.
More recently he has started to accuse me of being unfaithful for no reason he could access my phone or laptop whenever he wanted and read my messages. I have never been unfaithful to him. He however keeps his phone and laptop hidden from me and doesn't let me look at anything he takes his phone with him everywhere.
I feel really alone and isolated I have spoken to my mum about what's happening but she was abused herself so it's hard to get an objective view and she lives in a couple of hours away in car.
I keep questioning myself am I not looking at things the right way is he right. Im not perfect and i donr want to paint the picture iam I make mistakes but i always love him and always want to do the best by us together. But it's like i cant challenge him on anything without him blowing up at me even over the smallest thing or saving it to throw up at me later. Be never laughs anything off hes always miserable with me telling me about one thing or another. He used to be loving in the relationship in his own way so he wasbt always like this. But over time this is where we are now.
on Saturday we were supposed to be packing to move house and he got in a mood. He was upset because he said i was nagging at him because i suggested that we mark up the boxes with whats inside them as we do it so we dont forget. He said i was nagging and started to get mad at me for that and throwing other things up at him that I had invited friends to an event we went to at the night before and he said he wanted us to go alone. They didn't come anyway but he was still upset about it. He said he hates me and planned everyday to leave me I was upset he could say that to me. We used to work together and I knew people he worked with they were at the event by coincidence, I spoke to them and in the argument he said I was speaking to them just to keep tabs on him and find out if he's cheating on me. I was shocked, I had known them longer then I had known him I just hadn't spoken to them in a while but was good to catch up. I didn't ask about him and work was just good to chat to them about general things. I managed to calm him down and we talked and I thought everything was okay but it did make me wonder why he was so worried about me finding something out about him at work what was he worried about. However later in the night we tried to have what you could say was make up sex however it didn't happen and I asked him if I could do anything to help. He started going off on one saying it's cos in the past I've farted near him before having sex even though that wasn't the case this time ( i know that sounds rubbish) but wasn't on purpose however he kicked off again and he went to sleep downstairs.
The next morning I tried to talk to him and stand up to him for how he had been with me, I asked him if he had been unfaithful with someone at work is that why he was upset and to talk to me about it if that the case. He got upset and threw a blanket at my face then grabbed me by the neck and pointed his finger at me and said I can't ever accuse him of being unfaithful then went to walk out.. I was upset I went after him to say why has he done that he then grabbed me by the hair and pushed my head against the wall and told me how pathetic I was.
He then left yesterday morning Sunday and haven't heard or seen him since.
I could really do with some advice it's so hard to be strong in this situation. I question myself am I the bad person in this? I don't know how to respond or deal with this in a healthy way.