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Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Divorce/separation

He wants to rescue our marriage.

22 replies

PinkGlitter17 · 01/09/2017 22:01

I'm in a bit of shock. Husband of 8 years (together 15) told me last night that he wants to go back to Relate.

Background: we've been separated since March but living under the same roof with our 2 DCs. Tough situation, but no options to move out as houses here come up once in a blue moon.

I instigated the break-up in March and we were v hostile to start with, but have been getting on very well for the last 2 months-ish.

He started online dating a while back, and met up with someone 3 weeks ago. I haven't asked how it went, that was info I didn't need to know. Anyway, he told me last night that as soon as he met her, he knew it was all wrong, and that I am his partner . This is a huge shock to me.

I feel really thrown, but also I feel so many butterflies and keep smiling and singing and blushing and giggling. I think we still love each other. Or what I mean is, I feel that we do.

I am also craving sex and cuddles, I think that after our counselling session we are going to jump on each other. I've been feeling sexual vibes from him for a while

Just sort of sharing my thoughts. I never, ever expected this would happen, but my gut says yes.

Thank feck that Mumsnet is here to put all this down

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inabizzlefam · 01/09/2017 23:17

Sounds like my ex.
You need to hold onto the reasons you wanted to split.

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LanaDReye · 01/09/2017 23:21

Sorry but you still haven't resolved the issues so I would slow down on the excitement, it may come before a fall hopefully not .

Can you write the issues down, how you felt and what you need in the future?

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ErnesttheBavarian · 01/09/2017 23:33

Well, I am amazed that you have been able to live together, yet separated. And it's lovely that he wants you back, and that he is prepared to work for it.

I'm also surprised that the 2 answers you have had are so negative What am I missing? I know I can be naive. Look, you clearly both have feelings for each other. Go to relate, try to work it out, what when wrong and why, and try to fix it. and good luck. a difficult marriage, or a crisis in one can bring you both closer together.

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Evewasinnocent · 01/09/2017 23:48

Go with your gut!

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IrritatedUser1960 · 02/09/2017 00:25

It's well worth having a go if you have 2 children together and it's unusual for a man to request counselling.
I refused another go with mine becasue we didn't have children together and also he had doen this to me several times.
If you feel it's worth it go for it but go carefully, don't rush things, there was a reason you instigated divorce and that needs to be resolved properly through counselling.

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Anecdoche · 02/09/2017 00:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ilovetolurk · 02/09/2017 09:08

Why did you separate to start with? Are they the kind of issues that counselling can help with?

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Quartz2208 · 02/09/2017 09:13

I recognised your username, my first thought was good she did break up with him! i would llook back at your threads you wrote when you were breaking up with him (did he not demand you wash up dishes he made before going out) and remember why you broke up in the first place

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MrsBertBibby · 02/09/2017 10:00

How is he getting on with the financial abuse?

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PinkGlitter17 · 02/09/2017 14:58

Reasons for split - long-term issues of unbalanced relationship, deep deep depression on my part, big problems of many sorts. I had a huge thread on Feb/March with a resounding LTB. So things are not simple in terms of thinking about reconciliation

OP posts:

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PinkGlitter17 · 02/09/2017 15:01

I am wary, I'm going to lay down some conditions. I think one last try is ok to be considering. It's very surreal, after what has happened this year, to be feeling like this. But there is still love there. So unexpected.

OP posts:

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ohamIreally · 02/09/2017 15:06

Pink are you the OP who's DH locked her in the kitchen with your crying DD to force you to wash up?

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RockyBird · 02/09/2017 15:11

If you are that OP, this is just another link in the chain of abuse.

Good luck OP.

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mummmy2017 · 02/09/2017 15:17

Make him date you again, don't just slide back into being married.
If your feeling giddy with love towards him, and you thing he has learnt his lesson, having not read any of your back story, so long as he wasn't abusive and you can make him see what went wrong last time then why shouldn't you give it another go, maybe he has realised that he will lose you, and that your worth fighting for...

Good luck...

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PinkGlitter17 · 02/09/2017 15:17

ohamireally, yes, that was me.

OP posts:

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PinkGlitter17 · 02/09/2017 15:25

It's going to take a lot of talking and re-evaluating and dealing with things. While we were married, we rarely, if ever, talked about our issues. Bottled everything up, resented each other, both exhausted, stopped being kind and considerate and having each other's back. Angry silences. All so upsetting and hard. I think counselling can help us through.

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notapizzaeater · 02/09/2017 15:32

Has he had counselling to stop the abuse ? What's to stop him doing it again ?

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WhollyFather · 02/09/2017 15:34

So LTB, MN's kneejerk reaction to any kind of domestic disharmony, wasn't the best advice on this occasion?

Well I never.

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mummmy2017 · 02/09/2017 15:39

I think the fact she told him she wanted to leave has made him change his attitude.

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WhatwouldOliviaPopedo · 02/09/2017 15:48

I sometimes despair at the instant LTB responses on MN, so when I read your post I thought "how refreshing someone is giving their marriage a second chance". Then I re-read what you posted earlier this year…
I seriously suggest you re-read it too before you leap back in. Your H had you resorting to scrabbling through his pockets for spare change to clothe and feed your kids.
Your H has said he wants to do Relate again - what was the outcome last time then?

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OverOn · 02/09/2017 15:52

What has changed since March? What is different about money, housework and taking care of the children - for both of you- since you 'split' in March?

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ohamIreally · 03/09/2017 05:27

Pink - this change of heart appears to have started after he dated another woman. In the kindest way possible, I would suggest it dawned on him that it will not be a simple matter to simply select a new victim for his abuse. I know it must seem attractive to imagine you'll have a fresh start but I think he will revert to his old ways after a while. You've done the hard bit, try to be strong. You'll get lots of support here.

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