Just a cheery post for you newly separted

[IrritatedUser1960]

A year ago my world completely fell apart when my husband of many years just upped and left when I was in hospital.
The next few months felt like the nuclear winter of grief, somehow I had to get to work, I hardly had enough money to eat, I had all the divorce legal stuff to deal with.
I cannot describe how awful it was and suicidal thoughts crept in more than once.
Roll on one year, I kept my house, I have lost 2 stone, I have a fabulous new job and have just treated myself to a new wardrobe, I have wonderful friends, a great social life and I am happier than I have been throughout the duration of my marriage.
I finally feel as though I have found myself in the autumn of my life.
I realised the hard way that he was not my soul mate nor the love of my life he was actually quite controlling and I was losing sight of myself as each year passed. I must have been crazy to put up with the shit that I did. I had a view of my marriage that did not match the reality.
He is the one who is now regretting our split and wants to come back but I don't want him back, I have found my self respect again and I don't need to be treated like that.
I am finally living the life I have always wanted to live and I'm happy.
I never thought I would be happy again without him but I really am and I feel no need for another relationship - I'm happy as I am.
Take heart people, it can turn out well.

He doesn't believe anyone. He's got it in his head that I'm a liar and a cheat. The thing is we are all friends we have a holiday booked with them in October too, he works awayband thinks I'm up to no good constantly. It doesn't matter what I say.

Thanks for posting this.
Am separated after 20 years married, 25 together. OH severely mentally ill for last 5 years which have been horrendous.
Would be our 20th anniversary this week and I feel like I'm sliding into a very dark place

Lovely post 💗

So nice that you have found yourself and found happiness! Such an inspiring post! Hope this will be me a year from now 👍🏻

Just a lovely ray of hope I made hard choice today after a previous seperation that this time it final and I am leaving. Iam frightened and still love him but cant live with infidelities any more. I wish I could forward my life a year to get through the pain. If my story has a good ending like yours it might just get me through the dark months ahead xx

Thanks - a helpful post to read when it all feels a bit crap at the moment.

Can I echo OP?
My dreams are starting to finally come true after 2 years of separation.

It's a huge body blow, even when you're the one ending it.

It's incredible how small your world becomes when married to a PA twat.

I tolerated too much for too long. No doubt about it. But, like most people, I was scared for the kids.

It took a breakdown to help me see the light.

Progress has been slow, but real. I've never felt such a range of emotions along the way. You know what though? I bloody paid a very high price but it'll be worth it.

Every second of the day, we can start anew

This is so helpful. I'm so terrified, after finding my husband of over 20 years has been seeing prostitutes for the past few months. I'm staying with him at the moment to try to work out if it's definitely over but every last part of me screams that it is. However many years we have had, I currently feel i don't want him in my future which it is breaking me to admit So although I would not wish what I'm going through on anyone, it's reassuring to know that leaving, even after all this time, can be the better path. xxx

Joanny I feel your pain and sending hugs. Read my few posts from 2014 there not many. Said he would not go there again nothing changed. Now 2017 and finally got out because I left. But 3 chances plenty. House up for sale and finally doing ok only been a week but think I will be okay. Not saying you should leave if you think he can change but if I can give you some advice is squirrel away money and have an exit plan for when you are ready. Dont borrow money if you do nothing in your name. Talk to friends it is not your shame. Nothing you did led to his choices. Think what you would say to a loved one i your position. I found that what I discovered was the tip of the iceberg. After more research he had been on a site called punters net where other men pass tips on how to avoid suspicion and get caught. I have seen more filth than I ever want to in 10 lifetimes. Evenchucking him out and going to bedsit did not cure his addiction so finally I am off before I waste another 11 years. You know you deserve better. I thought he would change I have lost my beautiful home my job and health. Please think carefully sending hugs to all today x

Thank you yogagirl. I actually at the moment believe he won't do it again but that doesn't change the disgust and betrayal I feel. I don't see how I will ever love or trust him again and although he swears it was just sex and he never stopped loving me, I feel he's devalued everything I've ever done for us and our family because to him, none of that mattered, all that mattered was how much sex he got. x

Thank you so much for a super post. It has stopped my tears from falling this evening.

It is 16 days since my husband of 13 years came home from work announcing he was leaving me and our 22 month old DD because he believed the spark had gone and he was no longer attracted to me. Apparently he has felt like this for at least a year. A little difficult to stomach since we had been actively trying for a second child. I gave up a very well paid senior role four months ago to be a SAHM. I feel such a fool.

But your post has made me feel like there is hope; there is something to aim for and perhaps while life as I know it is over, life as I do not yet know it is waiting for me.

I'm a year on and not quite ready to be so positive but I'm very pleased you've made it through. Well done.

Captain

I'm in the same kind of situation, can you tell me more about what happened.