This is my first time turning to strangers for advise. I have talked to my sister, mother and an aunt , well not talked they basically told me what's best in the situation and stated it will look bad as everyone is schocked by my current behavior. I am currently married to my 11 year partner for 3 months . We met when I was 16 and have been a relationship ever since. I did have 2 boyfriends before that but obviously nothing serious as I was young. Last year January my then boyfriend proposed to me the night before he traveled to begin a job overseas . He is still in another country. We decided to get married and went through all the counseling that wAs required by the church. Counseling never got serious as our problems were always minor things made into huge arguments repeatedly. Things got complicated when me and a coworker began to get friendly which eventually lead to us having sex . This was a couple weeks before my wedding , he asked if I was sure , I can handle it "having sex when I'm about to marry" I assured him it was fine . Once can't hurt. The guilt of having sex with him was eating me alive and I confessed to my then fiancé that I didn't want to get married anymore as I was confused and I wasn't ready to commit to him. He said he was expecting it as he saw my withdrawal and weight loss in the time which he was here . He took us to see the pastor , and I what the pastor said hit home he said it comes down to logic over emotions .. Years over months .. Thus I bottled up my emotions as I usually do and got married . My wedding day was perfect and I had a great honeymoon . Reality set in when I returned to work and my fiancé left the country again to go back to work . I still felt every bit of love for the other guy. I kept my distance for a couple weeks and then long story short we had sex again. I never thought to myself that I would become this person . Someone committing adultery. I told my husband and said that I honestly feel we should separate as I can't continue to be with you . My family found out and now everyone says I'm a disgrace , I'm throwing away my good reputation and a good man for an idiot. The other guy is older , he has 4 children and a bad reputation in terms of gangster ways in his youth . My husband is social and friendly with no kids and a good job. I want to leave my husband before buying property and such , as to make proceedings easier though divorce. My other guy wants me to come live and start afresh with him , as he is at that age where he wants to build with someone. I have decided to step away from both my husband and him as to give myself some time alone . I have never been single in my adult life before . Right now I cry myself to sleep every night and it's affecting my lifestyle as my job being a manager is stressful already . My friends won't understand and I don't want to spread my business around my mother who I live with gives me the Christian runaround almost daily. I need some advise as how to go about this . I want to be with the other guy but I don't want to send my husband mad. As he is not in the best state right now . My husband is determined to fight for me and wants restore what we have . The thing is he doesn't seem to understand that we have a problem. I love him , he was always my best friend but I can't picture a future with him right now. Am I going crazy ?