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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Post divorce: feeling like I have PND (except kids aren't babies)

1 reply

kagsnyc · 22/08/2017 16:52

Hello. I got divorced earlier this year and our two children (12 & 8) primarily live with me as their dad lives abroad. He sees them about every 2-3 weeks usually. He's just had them for just over 2 weeks and rather than being excited to have them back home, I've felt quite anxious about it. I've been feeling quite low all summer, struggling with being single again, when surrounded by families and I've needed some time alone to refocus and to work. I feel almost as if I've got post-natal depression, except obviously it's a bit too long "post-natal" to be called that. Has anyone else experienced the same feelings? I should be feeling lucky that I have them most of the time, but I feel kind of hollow. My ex has a new relationship now, which I'm v. upset about (long story) and the kids will be meeting her soon and spending time with both of them. I'm wondering if I'm sub-consciously pushing the kids towards them, because I kind of feel that they are now going to be the "couple" (and therefore it'll feel like a family) and I'm always the single mum. I saw my GP earlier this year and took some anti-depressants for a while, but this is a new stage coming up and it's unleashed this horrible feeling that I'm just not good enough for my kids and making me feel that I want to ask my ex to have them. Which is stupid I know. Any words of help/support appreciated! There are so many unexpected feelings with divorce - it's hard.

OP posts:
NameWithChange · 22/08/2017 22:13

I didn't want to read and run but I don't know how much I can help.

I understand exactly how you feel. Mine were away for a week and I didn't miss them at all which really surprised me but I was just so physically and mentally exhausted with so much 24/7 care before that. I really needed a quiet house and had so much housework/bills/work etc to catch up on.

I have feelings where I don't feel good enough at all. EH has all the money and good times and excitement with them, I have school runs, homework nagging, general sit at the table and behave at tea time expectations etc. It's like Christmas all the time there with very few rules.

The one thing that helped me is Mindfulness, I am a bugger for following my own advice and doing it but it really does help anxiety and negative thoughts. It helps you catch them and realise how many there are and encourages you to be kind to yourself. I need to do it more - there isn't much kindness in my life from anywhere else at the moment, just slog and worries. School holidays have made it much harder with all the work/childcare juggles too and never a moment off.

I hope you find some kindness for yourself, you have been through a terrible time, divorce with children (in my experience) is soul destroying. Flowers

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