Time to get legal?

[sothisisnew]

Hi all,

Written by a 'step-mum', please just ignore if you've already made your mind up

I'm writing on behalf of my OH, who has 2 small children with his ex. He currently has EOW and has recently been allowed one evening midweek as well. There are no contact orders in place- the midweeks were only started (eventually) after he started the process to get one in place. They have been separated 18 months.

His ex has yet again scheduled something during his time with them (the midweek one this time), saying the children's grandparents have had that slot in the diary for ages. She has offered no alternatives. When he challenged this, she admitted that she doesn't see the children spending time with him as a priority: 'isn't it more important that they're happy?'.

I think I know what needs to happen- he needs to forget about amicable negotiations and fully go down the legal route, asking for as much contact as he can possibly commit to, but if anyone has any other advice for him it would be gratefully received. Is there something in particular he should be doing? Thanks.

Unfortunately the legal route is your only option. Mediation through a formal process should be the first avenue if this fails or ex refuses mediation then it will go to court.

We didn't go down the legal route because we were afraid that DPs ex would then claim that the children didn't want to see their dad etc etc
In retrospect I think we should have had a formalised access arrangement but I would tread carefully.
I might be wrong but I think mediation is the right first step as if you can agree something together to be formalised by a court it gives both parties a sense of control rather than one party feeling their losing control.

After separating in Feb I now find stbxh is adopting an attitude of I'll do u a favour and babysit occasionally '. This is at same time as he claims to be devastated by loss of his family life, which is bit hard to understand... My attitude is for our 3dds to have unrestricted contact with him, so why doesn't he use it!?
Now thinking I shld try to formalise the arrangements too, to me it looks like he's saying one thing to get folks sympathy but in reality doing another

Thank you.

He has already tried mediation, but unfortunately it was over 4 months ago (apparently the time limit) so he'll have to go again- the whole process takes so long!!

I do really think formalisation is the way, I'm hoping it will mean all parties will accept the decision of a court and everyone can move on. At the moment I don't think she will accept any arrangement if it's something he is happy with.

Hurleygirl123, if only my DP's ex had your attitiude! Sorry your ex is such a muppet.