Domestic violence, prep for divorce and relocation

[MyPupPaisley]

Following on for my fairly rambling first thread here I met with a sol, got some advise & am planning to begin the process of divorcing my DH and father of two young DS in a couple of months. .

The sol advised getting a non molestation order and an occupation order, but having done some reading, my understanding is that if it's not in response to a recent incident (the last serious incident was a month ago), it can take some time to go to court for these, I'm wondering if you are expected to live in the same house until then? It seems like a potentially dangerous option, but I've got no family or friends to stay with, so hopefully I'm missing something obvious?

How do you prepare yourself generally for divorce? I've got absolutely zero clue what I'm about to undertake aside from the fact that things are going to be tough before they get better. I feel like I should maybe make the most of this time by gathering evidence? He's always been very secretive with his finances (has transferred a lot of his properties into his parents names in a foreign country) & I know on paper it looks like he earns far less than he actually does. It's also tricky because mostly his abuse has been emotional (with a couple of violent incidents where police were involved) I'm really worried about short term finances as everything I have comes from him (which isn't much & is closely watched) should I try to squirrel away cash to get through the months of court proceedings? How do people normally manage? I'm not quite sure how the DS' and myself will get by (I don't qualify for public funds due to my visa although they're British) and I haven't officially worked for years. My main aim is to get out of the marriage and be granted a relocation order so my DC's & I can start over in my home country surrounded by support and loving extended family, so I'm not as focussed on what I'd get out of him financially, but I also know I'd be silly not to try to get something for the DC's future.

Any advice would be greatfully received

Maybe it wasn't the best timing to post on a Saturday night, bumping just in case anyone can offer some advise or share their experiences

I did non mol and occupation order three months after he was arrested. It took about three weeks, HOWEVER, before it was heard a judge put a temporary order in place until the hearing. This was done within 24 hours of submitting the documents.

Oh that's so reassuring to know a temp order might be an option then. Thanks so much for sharing gin I've been worried that not doing it immediately might look bad for me, although it's just not possible right now otherwise I would have already done it. Was that brought up at all for you? x

It took me a while because I was worried about money. I found a way to do it for free via another lovely mumsnetter. Get in touch with these folk I emailed and got a call from a law student within a couple of days. They fill the forms out for you over the phone, they send them to you to sign and then you take them to your local court, who deal with it from there. They will either send a bailiff to your ex with the order or ask you to do it. You don't have to present them in person, you can send them to his solicitor to do it, and you need to send a copy to the police if there is a power of arrest attached. Some courts charge about £50.00 for the bailiff, some do it for free.
Good luck!

PS.Nobody questioned me on the timings!

Thank you gin , your explanation is so helpful. At that point were you living together? My husband doesn't have a solicitor & im sure it will all come as a big surprise to him...also, we're you married/ did you get divorced following the non mol/occupation order? Getting the orders done for free through NCDV looks and sounds great, but another worry of mine is that if I start things on my own I'll make an error and I may mess up the divorce/ application to relocate with out children. So much on the line and I feel out of depth already, want to save what little money I have but also no point saving it if I make a mess of things!

The thing about the NCDV is that they use law students as volunteers but it's all checked. I also found where I was confused the court clerk helped, they always look things over for you.
I am in the process of getting divorced, he was arrested again and we didn't let him back the last time, so he went elsewhere. Most (not all) of the abuse I suffered was emotional and controlling, the courts take a very dim view of it these days. Certainly on my renewal hearing (the order is usually for six months to begin with) the judge I spoke to was quite concerned as to whether or not I was getting the right support. I'm sure you won't mess up the application at all, find a solicitor and they will do that bit for you. There are quite a few that do a fixed price divorce these days, providing of course that things are relatively simple.

NCDV are excellent, I had a talk from them at a work seminar and they are so passionate about the cause. Good luck OP.

That's really reassuring to hear that the clerk helped gin and great to know that from two diffferent angles NCDV have positive reviews, thank you SandysMam it makes me feel less nervous to get in contact with them.
Your situations sounds a bit similar to mine with the emotional abuse & controlling issues gin though I'm afraid my case probably isn't straightforward due to my husband being very sneaky with money, and the fact I'm aiming to get the courts permission to move with the DCs to a different country quite far away. From what I understand it's a difficult case to make so I really need to get a specialist sol who is well versed in this area, which I'm expecting to equate to more £££.
Did you have to see your ex in court? I'm imagining it to be awful but I honestly have no idea.
I hope your divorce is going along as smoothly as possible