Please help me

[Kbh36]

Hi,

I recently discovered my husband is having an emotional affair. He has told me the marriage is over and he wants to be with the other woman... I have begged and pleaded to save our marriage but he isn't interested.
My dilemma is I moved to Scotland with him and our son for his job but I have no friends or family around.
I don't know if I should move back to England with my son and start a new life where I have support although this will mean another new school for my son and me trying to find a job and house. Or do I stay in Scotland let my son see out primary school, my husband says he will stay in the house 4 nights per week so I'm not lonely.
Thing is I'm hoping for a reconciliation will me moving ruin any chance or is staying just holding me back.

I'm completely confused,

Thanks Kate

Hi Kate,
sorry you are going through this, hope you do not mind me asking, why is he staying in the house 4 nights a week ?
He cannot have it both ways.. is the house owned by you both ?

my husband says he will stay in the house 4 nights per week so I'm not lonely.

What an arrogant dick head.

Tell him to fuck right off.

Whatever you do, take your time, done make any major decisions about uprooting yourself just yet.

Kate,
Firstly I really am sorry youre going through this. I went through the same 3 years ago.

He is very likely lying when he says it's an emotional affair. I highly doubt he would throw away a marriage and family over this.
Mine admitted that months later.

It's been a very hard three years. But I'm stronger for it. I chose to relocate, to get away from him and her (they are still together). But I didn't put this plan into action straight away. In fact, I haven't actually moved yet (fucking house fell through). But my life (job, kids school etc) is all changed over.

A wise woman told me that in the beginning of it all, he was feeling guilty. But that this guilt will wane and he will not be so 'nice' when it comes to financial support and the house. I struggled to believe this as I felt I knew my husband after nearly 20 years. She was right. The guilt soon went and he is an absolute arse hole (he ways was of course. I couldn't see it).
Go and see a solicitor. I came out much better after the divorce than him because he was arrogant enough to think he didn't need a solicitor.

Can you go back to family with your dc to get away for a while? A little holiday?

The thing is school in Scotland starts in 1 week or I need to be settled in England for my son to start school 5th September! We rent the house we sold our English house when we relocated! He is a plastic surgeon I have supported him through everything I'm a nurse but part time put my career on hold etc! So now just as he is about to become a consultant I will be left with nothing we have no assets but obviously he has huge earning potential like 500000 a year I earn 30000. I'm so lost x

Kate,

Go home. If he is earning that kind of money, you don't need to worry about maintenance etc. You will be fine. With your salary, you could find a nice rental for the time being. I'd go back to your family, look for a job and once you have this, sort out a house.

If you keep thinking of reconcile, you won't move on. If it's going to happen, it's more likely to happen if he thinks he is going to lose you. Show him you're strong and tell him to fuck off.

Go back to England - you need the support of friends and family. He no longer is on your side. He is trying to do everything on his own terms, and because you are still reeling from the shock of his "emotional" affair (it won't be, it will definitely be physical, he is lying to you) you can't think straight.

Stop being sad and get angry on your behalf and on the behalf of your children. Get a good solicitor and find out your rights. Tell your friends. Tell your parents. Tell him to get lost. This is the best thing to do even if you want a reconciliation. Lots of good advice on the Relationships board, by the way, from women who have seen this type of thing before!

User1471 is right, as he is a big earner, he will have to provide you with a decent amount for a home, you are going to be ok .

Thanks everyone he doesn't earn that yet he earns 100000 at the mo but his future earnings that I have enabled through facilitating his job I won't get the benefit from. Ih well onwards and upwards x x x

You will be OK Kate

Kaye, tell someone back in England. It took nearly a month for me to tell anyone. As soon as I did I wished I had done so sooner. People will rally round you and he will get the cold shoulder from everyone (this made me feel better as the bastard worked in same place as me )

Babybarrister, I was not aware things are so different in Scotland.
Why are things different where maintenance are concerned ? if you do not mind me asking, and I take it the cms do not cover Scotland also ?

BB is talking about spousal maintenance. Child maintenance is the same as for England, (CMS) but financial provision on divorce is totally different, as Scotland has it's own legal system. And it's not kind to the financially weaker party!

How are you today op?