absolute shock what do I do now

[twinkerbell]

I haven't posted on here for a longtime but I have just had the shock of my life and really need some sensible and possibly legal (if any of you lovely mummy's are in that field) advice and support

Twinkerbell an experience family law solicitor will have seen it all before so please don't worry about that.
Having faced the DD he didn't wanted to be palmed off with Mum and Dad were not making each other happy any more. I said there were complex adult reasons as to why we were not making each other happy, but they were none of her business. You do need to draw a line so that she knows some of your life is private particularly if you eventually get a new partner.

OP I think you need to get a clearer idea in your head what he is doing. Being transgender isn't at all the same as being gay. Lots of men, straight and gay, like to dress as women.

I would strongly advise against lying to your daughter though. You don't have to tell her all the truth, but fgs don't tell her lies. You are just experiencing how it feels for someone you love and trust to deceive you. Don't pass that on to your daughter.

I'd wager a guess that he isn't transgender. This is wholly a fetish, experienced it with an ex, he is very very comfortable with his penis (and those of others). It is a huge shock, take time to come to terms with things. I googled autogynephile and came up with another term, think it was male emasculation fetish?? It does really describe the condition.

These Men seem not so uncommon really, much more common than I would have thought, thankfully my relationship wasn't as long lived as yours. You aren't wrong to be devastated, he was essentially living a double life.

I have my own pet theories about those I have known, but tbh it's pointless, look after yourself and don't even dwell on trying to understand him. He has lied and cheated and deceived you for so long you cannot trust a single thing he will say.

Finding those e-mails was like a complete sucker punch to the chest after not such a long time. Imagine your breath has been taken away. I have questioned everything tbh, it threw me for six.

Good luck

That is simply awful. I'd dread telling my child too but I suppose it's one of these things that will have to be done eventually. But if it was me I'd do nothing yet about telling her and just say you've decided to split up. I should imagine that you will be able to get a divorce. And I agree it's nothing to be ashamed about for you. This could happen to any one of us.

I wouldn't tell your daughter any details, that isn't fair. I very much would high tail it to the nearest sti clinic

I'm confused now. I thought he was transgender. Not gay. It's not the same.

Sorry I'm a bit confused..you transgender...but you would of noticed that..do you mean he is cross dressing in private,and you've found out? He's been doing it for years but you had no idea???

Vivienne by the things the op he said, he was cross dressing and advertising for men to fuck him, virtually, at least if not in real life. This is a fetish, not gender dysphoria

Oh stupid I pad .....I mean ...you said he was transgender

She alluded to this when she said the videos were not just dressing. Sorry it's quite a recent experience, but I have experienced this too, thankfully no children though

Oh I see,so not just cross dressing.but being unfaithful...I'm sorry op ,that must of been a big shock for you

Sorry if I'm wrong twinkerbell, just resonated

You have NOTHING to be ashamed about. Your dh has been completely and utterly deceitful and you trusted him, that is all.
Take some time to take stock, think hard about what you want. You will find a way forward.

Ime these guys think no further than the end of their own penis. It actually makes me want to be a man so I can experience this extreme pleasure they are willing to throw everyone else under the bus for

Cunts

Twink I'm sorry you've had such a shock and it's so complex. Take one problem at a time. My DD is 19 with a boyfriend, and is much less bothered about different sexualities or whatever, the world has changed, so try not to worry about your DD finding out.
I was advised not to use the Co_op lawyers. Seems unlikely that your X will contest much, a decent solicitor can offer a fixed fee divorce. See a couple they will do free 30 min appointment to help you decide. Good luck stay in touch

Hello all. had a few days back at work which has been incredibly hard. I have read through the posts and Mrsjohnmurphy is about the closest I think. In reality I have no idea what he has been up to and I can't talk to him about it because it makes me feel physically sick. He did say it was all just a fantasy and it got out of hand?
I saw emails, and have seen 3 fake profiles of him 'as a woman' but describing himself as Transgender. Some very explicit images and going back many years which I can tell by the background in some pictures.

I have had legal advice over the last few days and thinking of using Amicable? anyone know of them? they advertised on here and have been very supportive. He is not contesting a divorce and sais he actually feels relieved its all out.
I have cried an ocean the last week or two and feel hollow inside. I am going to lose my husband, my home and my 17 year history feels fake.