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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Have no one to talk to right now

11 replies

Lora2017 · 04/08/2017 23:15

We were supposed to have 8th wedding anniversary coming Monday. But one month ago my husband told he wanted out. He could't explain why, all he could say I was never able to understand him. I had no idea he was that unhappy, he never complained before and I thought all was ok. The way he broke the news was not the best - he got drunk, spend our savings in stip club and next morning announced that he wanted to separate.

The worst thing is that he picked the moment when we are extending our residence permits (we are both from outside of the UK) and I totally depend on his collaboration to be able to stay in the country.
Money situation is not great either - I was not ready for the separation and all the savings are gone. Our apartment and car are in his name (because of my immigration status it was much easier to do it this way).
Since our residence application is still being considered we can't divorce straight away and need to live in the same apartment which is very hard. Today I have also found out that he started an affair with his ex colleague. We all used to go out together and this really hurts.

I am really lost and confused. We have a separation agreement signed but since I depend on him in many ways I am really concerned he will try to re-negotiate it. The situation is going down the hill and I don't know what to do. When we talk he is full of anger and resentment (why?), I really try to stay civil but not sure how long it could last this way.

I do work but my salary is two times lower than his and if he doesn't respect our agreement I will really struggle when we separate for good.

All I want right now to divorce with decency but I am full of anxiety and don't know what will come to his mind.

Sorry, have no one else to talk to right now and will appreciate any support.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Icewindfire98 · 04/08/2017 23:22

Gosh I'm so sorry to hear this - you are going through an awful time and none of it is your fault. Do you have friends and family in real life to talk to too? Reach out to as many as possible.

He's angry at you because then it doesn't make him the bad guy (which he is). In his head he has to justify his actions. Just ignore him.

How unbearable having to live together. Would moving countries maybe work for you - maybe back home? Or are you set on staying here? I'd move as far away as possible if it were me.

Hoping someone with some better advice comes along soon.

MoonPower · 04/08/2017 23:34

Hugs Lora.
That's really hurtful and stressful.
Do you have any friends you could stay with or rent a room from so you don't have to live with him?

Lora2017 · 04/08/2017 23:44

Thank you for your kind words. I would prefer to stay in the UK rather than return back to Russia. I have been away for many years and not sure if I fit there anymore.
I really don't want to see him as a bad guy. We lived happily for a while and he promised to give me all proceedings from the flat's sale which hopefully would be enough for a deposit. I just doubt he will keep his words.

I will probably start looking for a room share - hopefully I can afford it.

OP posts:
Lora2017 · 04/08/2017 23:50

I am only concerned he might try to sell the apartment if I do not live there.

OP posts:
Icewindfire98 · 04/08/2017 23:54

You need to see a solicitor re the flat and your position generally

He won't stick to his word - he has a new priority now. Sorry to be harsh but you need to be pro active and stay one step ahead of him.

Icewindfire98 · 04/08/2017 23:55

And this affair will have started before your split of course - sorry but you have to face this too

Lora2017 · 05/08/2017 00:02

You are probably right about the affair, it is hard to admit it though.
I will try to see immigration lawyer and a solicitor ASAP.

OP posts:
Whereisthesunshine · 06/08/2017 09:17

Yes to seeing a solicitor. I'm from a EU country so much easier than your situation, but when my h left my solicitor arranged a phone call with the immigration solicitor in the same firm - it was a fixed fee hour long consultation but I walked out with lots of info.

It is hard, and I still struggle too with this, but you must detach from the idea that your husband cares about you. Put yourself first and make yourself safe. I know it hurts like hell but it's the only way.

Lora2017 · 07/08/2017 14:01

Saw an immigration lawyer today. In a nutshell my husband can do whatever he wants with our residence application: he can withdraw it and I will need to leave the country, he could force me to change the terms of the separation agreements in exchange of not stopping the application process etc. Really not good and all I can do is try to reason with him and keep him content until I get my documents.

OP posts:
physicskate · 09/08/2017 10:32

Hi Laura.

I am a bit of an immigration whiz having traversed that path myself. I'm also very active on immigration boards...

What visa are you on and what is your husband's immigration status? How long have you been in the UK?

You don't have to answer, but can pm me if you'd like a bit of advice about your options... I completely understand how overwhelming that aspect of this might be!!!

physicskate · 09/08/2017 10:33

Doh!!! Sorry your name autocorrected!!!

Hi Lora!

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