Abandoned.

[Billybriton]

Abandoned?
I was working away a lot and after I took a long term contract abroad with her agreement to come and join me (when the youngest 18yr old left school in < 1 year) she started an affair with a married man 3 weeks after I got on a plane. Since then she has visited me, we had some good times then she walked out, called me a few days later to say she is coming back and 12 hours after that later called me again to say she is never coming back. WTF? We have been apart for all but 6 weeks in the last year. Never had a chance to rebuild. I know this assignment is tough on her but she said she would join me and we would have had the chance to live together with me doing a regular 9-5 with no travel or late night work. She says she has no grounds to divorce me although I guess my workaholic nature might be a reason at a push. So the question is,

How long do I leave the door open for her to come back?

Do I tell the boyfriends wife that her husband is messing with my wife? I'm certain she doesn't know.

Do I give my wife a divorce or make her wait 5 years? As a committed Christian I am really struggling with this one.

Help

(Apologies for cross posting. )

I know she is messing me around. Problem is I love her, although its rapidly changing as her behavior is so bad. So do I spill the beans to the boyfriend's wife? She will probably kick him out as she is the earner and he is unemployed. Is revenge sweet?

I would certainly tell his wife.

I think i need to keep her sweet for my own sanity. Ive lost her but she can still come after the money aggressively. I still think the wife should know her husband is having an affair but msybe not my job to tell her just yet.

Keep her sweet or don't keep her sweet if she wants to come for your money she will regardless. If you divorce get a consent order. Protect yourself and your future

Let her go. She obviously doesn't respect you, your feelings, or the trust between you, and you don't deserve that. She's openly messing you about and doesn't give a toss how you feel about it, and that's horrible!

And anyway, could you ever REALLY take her back and trust her again? Could you ever be in bed with her again, without the thought (or even the image) of her and that other man creeping into your mind? Could you really be happy with her? I very much doubt that.

Are you certain that you still LOVE her, and that it's not the thought of a major life change that's keeping you holding on? I've stayed in HORRIBLE relationships that I knew in my heart I should leave, only because, in the moment, the devil you don't know is more frightening than the devil you know, when the real issue was that I was terrified of having to start over. Are you certain that it's love and not simply being uncomfortable with that disruption?

My personal recommendation, after reading what you've written here, is LTB, now. Let her go, and don't let her come crawling back, either!

RE the boyfriend's wife - sit on it for a bit, do. Let your internal reaction to her behaviour run its course, wait until the initial shock wears off a bit, and then - once you're sure you'd be spilling the beans out of kindness/concern, and not subconsciously for revenge or out of anger - then make the decision of whether or not to reach out.