Is it best to stay in an unhappy marriage just for your child?

[gizmocat1]

Dear friends,

I have been married for 15 years (together for 18) to a man 21 years my senior. I feel this age gap has been the main catalyst for our demise but there are other factors too. This seems to be an increasing factor and we have nothing in common other than our son.

I'm only 44 and feel I'm now just living one day at a time but it's no life at all.

There is no affection in our relationship. I can't bear the prospect of intimacy with him as I just don't fancy him anymore. Weirdly he never questions why we're not affectionate. He's not a bad person but too be honest I've felt like this for over 11 years but I guess I hope things will change with me doing nothing about it, maybe I will wake on day and it's all different.

I'm scared of telling him how I feel as he gets angry. I'm not sure how his older children will react or his family. We'll have to sell the house and split the proceeds but he predominately contributed to it, so he'll protest and I understand why but I can't afford to support my son on my own or rent on my own income with no financial support .

Do I stay in a loveless marriage for my sons sake ? Is our lack of affection and regular arguements affect our son if we stay together, will he think it's normal for relationships to be like that?

I think you know deep down you need to leave. You don't want to be miserable for the rest of your life and you don't want your DS to grow up seeing a loveless marriage. You all deserve better.

you are scared of him being angry? that's not good- for you or your DS

No way. Let your children see you choosing happiness, it's a real gift to them.
Or let them grow up believing that relationships are cold things that people endure, mainly due to fear.

I know you're right that I should leave. I guess if I could afford to go and leave him with the house, I'd go but I know I can't . The house my husband predominately paid as he got money from inheritance . I feel if we sold up and split the house sale equally. We could both get some, modest but okay.

I guess I'm just scared of that conversation so I put it off. I sort of hope he'll ask to end things but he doesn't. He can't be happy either but he'll be lonely on his own.

He's been divorced before and his first wife took him for everything. I don't want to do that but it's just not working. I'm dreading in a few years my boy will fly the nest and we'll be left together. I know I need to do something to change our lives but I'm frightened to make the wrong decision and hurt people but I know in my heart what is right xx

if you divorced your contribution to the relationship would be taken into account, as well as the needs of your son, it's not just a case of how much hard cash was put into the property. Why not go and see a solicitor and find out what your options are.

I stayed for my child's sake but in retrospect it was the wrong decision. However, in my case that was because the ex-H was not a very nice person to my child as well as me. That might not be the case with you.

Don't let worry about money or housing stop you. You don't say whether your work or whether you're able to work [unsure of age of your child or whether childcare would be a problem] but you'll get by. In the short term you can apply for social housing. The court will decide how the property is split.

Ask yourself this. If money wasn't a problem, would you take your boy and leave? If the answer is yes then don't waste any more time.

I was married for 17years and also retrospectively should have left earlier.Also,amongst other things,no affection.It eats away at you but I stayed for my daughter's sake.Thought she didn't realise but my wake up call and push was when she began self harming.
One year out andy self confidence is returning and my dd stopped harming but has needed counciling but she's getting there.
So go,don't stay for the kids, they'll be ok.My stbexh also put most into the house but after 19 years and a child,working full time(so he had plenty in savings),I get a reasonable amount and have found a small,affordable house.Its hard but doable.Youd also be surprised at how unsuprised people are!But best of all no having to trim your life into something that makes you unhappy, I'm less well of on Monday Ney terms but left Fe has colour again.

Auto correct!Should read less well of in monetary terms but life has colour again.Cross fingers,press post.

No it's better for your child to see happy parent and possibly a different happy relationship than a bitter and unhappy one

No.

My parents did this, and I wished they hadn't. Affairs, lies, and more. All of which I'm aware of.