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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Struggling with separation.

3 replies

GBjambo · 31/07/2017 10:02

Hi everyone, all new to me this but I need to talk to someone, as I don't think I am handling the situation very well, I have been married 27 years and with my wife 30 years ,about 5 weeks ago my wife who didn't go out much went to a new friends house for a girls night, she has known this new friend for about 6 months, my wife previously never worked for 9 years to raise our son who is now 12, and started her new job 10 months ago, anyway the last 2-3 months I had noticed a change in her, always buying new clothes, losing weight, more care to he hair, etc etc, so on this night out she did not come home, did not text or call, did not answer my text or calls, I was very concerned as she had never done this before, she came home the next day saying she went out clubbing from the party and then stayed at another woman from her works house. I was angry that she never answered my calls or called/texted she said she should have, and a half hearted apology , I asked if she had been with someone else and she said no, do you not trust me, probably shouldn't have asked but felt I had to, she stayed with me another 2 days as I still didn't let it go, then said she need time to think and went to her mothers , after a week she said she didn't want to be with me, as she didn't love me anymore, I was heartbroken , I found out last week that she had lied and had sex with another man that night she went out, then I found out a day later who it was and I know the person as I to work at the same place but on opposite shift from my wife, this makes thing real difficult for me as I see my wife at changeover and her new man, my wife is 50 and he is 37, I can't get over the lies and she has told, as for my son, he stays with me in our house and is very angry at what my wife has done, to the point he doesn't want to see much of her, she would come and watch him when we swapped shifts, but I want to do this on my own which will be a struggle, my wife is out every weekend partying , call my son every other day but it is brief, I feel like I want to punish my wife through my son , I know this is wrong, but she seems to be liking her new life, I was nothing but a good hard working husband who was never unfaithful and didn't deserve this, as I said at the top I am struggling to cope, any advice please.

OP posts:
Viking64 · 31/07/2017 13:45

Hi I have been through the same as you my wife left last Saturday after 30 years and moved in room in same house as male friend. What I have learnt is this don't feel sorry for yourself you will quickly spiral down trust me.try not to use your son as a weapon because despite what she's done she's still his mum and he loves her and that relationship is so important. Don't try to alienate people against her it will only make you look bad .talk to as many people that will listen talking is good therapy but try not to rant as people will stop wanting to listen.get used to the sick knotted stomach as this will be with you awhile I'm afraid. Stay in the family home do not leave that's what I done.don't talk bad about your wife to your son it's hard but it will hurt him and he's hurting enough.do what you think is necessary as soon as I knew it was over I split bank accounts so and other stuff so I knew what my finances would be it hurt everytime I cut another cord of our 30 years but it passes.your wife was not happy so ask yourself why I did and yes it was partly down to me.time really does help and there's no walking around the pain you just have to put your head down and run through it I'm afraid. Please message me if you need a chat I know what it's like and at times I felt the loneliest person in the world.good luck mate you will be ok

GBjambo · 31/07/2017 15:02

Thanks, for your response, what you say makes a lot of sense, but just now I honestly believe she would rather have her social life and new partner, and my son has seen another side to his mum, spends all her money on clothes and hair, also selling the rings I bought her many years ago as she says she needs the money for a deposit on a flat, hopefully through time she will realise what sacrifices she has had to make for this, thanks again for your response and hopefully through time it gets better, but as for now my world is shattered and only my son is what is keeping me going, cheers again.

OP posts:
Viking64 · 31/07/2017 16:44

My son got me through chapter and verse my story .continuously going out money mad drinking lots .even if my wife realised it's too late now I've don't recognise her now.concentrate on your son now he's your only priority

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