Childcare from non primary carer

[AnythingForAQuietLife]

Duplicate post from Legal Matters. Hope that's ok!!

Hi there. I'm rather cheekily looking for some legal advice.

My ex husband and I have been divorced for two years and have a son (10) and daughter (14).

My exH lives just ten minutes away and although I'm primary carer I have always supported him as a father (eg I drop the children off to him every school day morning so they can see him for 10 mins or so before catching the bus. To be fair, this is en route to my place of work so no real hassle for me).

Currently he has the children every other weekend (Fri, Sat and Sun night) and additionally between one and two mid week nights after work. For the latter I still provide the children's evening meal since he doesn't finish work until 7pm.

Before he met his new partner he was keen to see the children as much as possible in half terms. Things have now changed for him and he is sticking far more rigidly to the above with far less (almost zero scope) for additional contact time during school holidays.

We both have careers and increasingly I'm finding it harder and harder to pursue mine since the burden of childcare during holidays is now falling almost exclusively upon me. He says that since I'm the primary carer this my responsibility / my problem.

I want to know where I stand legally (i.e. dont tell me what I want to hear / nothing emotive! Of course I mean that respectfully :-)

My questions / thoughts are:

1. Is he right? Because I'm primary carer should I be sorting all childcare? He views his time as purely 'contact time' and pretty much tells me when he can have them over holidays, if at all (increasingly rare). He calls all the shots on half terms / holidays basically. In this respect he's essentially free to pursue his career / free time etc.

1. Because in the last year or so I've acquiesced to his way, precedent has now been set. So if I was to pursue a court order, I guess this would go against me?

1. It always seems unfair that on his midweek contact nights he is free to pick them up nearer 730 / 8pm (since he finishes work late) meaning not only do I have to feed them but I have less opportunity to go out / do my own thing. It never feels like it's a full evening for me. Yet when I raised this with a legally minded pal he said that all a court cares about is the welfare of the kids (rather than quality of time off for me) and the kids would feel upheaval going from me to childcare to him. I have asked if I can drop him to his house where his new partner and step siblings are and he refuses (they get on very well with their step mum / siblings).

Erm, I think that's it for now. I'd really love some advice / any experiences. Thanks so much in advance.

Bumping this. Hope that's ok.

No legal advice im afraid but i would imagine if he has parental responsibility i.e hes on the birth certificate then its not just your responsibility its his to. Hes just talking out of his arse about the prinary carer crap. As for things going against u in court due to going along with him, i doubt this would be the case as all it sounds youve done is enable them to see their dad as much as possible. Your friend is right in that the court will look towards the wellbeing of the kids and that includes as much contact with their dad as possible. I would document all your exchanges about contact so if it does cone to court itll show that youve tried to facilitate contact as much as possible and its him thats trying to weasel out of being a parent. On the other hand because of their ages the court may take into account their wishes. I honestly wish you luck with this. In the meantime console yourself that his shitty parenting is no reflection on you who is doing the best thibg for your kids