Separating from depressed alcoholic DH

[Robotrex]

My DH suffers from depression, which I know is an illness and outwith his control. That I can sympathise with, and though it's hard, I feel able to try to support him as best I can, particularly when he's really unwell. However, he chooses to treat his depression with alcohol, and is an alcoholic as a result, though he does not fully accept this. This I cannot tolerate as it has nearly destroyed our life together on more than one occasion.

I love him very much but after a long, long time of the repeated cycle of depressive episode, severe alcohol abuse, recovery and return to work, minimised drinking etc I have realised that I can't live like this anymore, it's just not how life can be forever.

What I want to know is how do I go about separating from him? I fear for his health, he may even try to take his own life. I worry what he may do to me, psychologically, regarding our possessions & finances, professionally, and less so, but physically too. And lastly, but most importantly, the effect is separating this will have on DS (4).

Can anyone offer any advice about how best to handle all this?

Thanks in advance

I would be more concerned with what affect it will have on your son if you stay with him.what can he do to you psychologically that he has not already done.do you stay with him through love or pity or lack if confidence. Sorry if I sound harsh but your childs wellbeing in the long term should be your overiding priority. You've taken the first step by realising this can't go on.don't let him drag you down with him mate .

I agree with what Viking said. It will be more harmful for your son if you remain with him.

You know you want to end this relationship, so just start making practical steps to do so based on yours and your son's needs for a stable, problem free home life.

Keep firmly in mind that YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR H'S WELLBEING - he is.

Do you have somewhere that you could get away too, family for example, so you can do the break up away from your H if you are concerned about his reaction?

Thanks for your replies. I agree with your thoughts on my son's wellbeing, he deserves better and I should make that happen.
I know I'm not responsible for DHs health, it's just so frustrating that he can't or won't take responsibility for his own wellbeing. I've kept hoping and believing in him for so long, but I've seen enough to know how the pattern goes. I cannot keep on rinsing and repeating.

It's not practical for me to go elsewhere as my family live too far away. I don't want to anyway because of the disruption, there will be enough change to deal with without having to leave our home too. My hope is that he will go, and he either will, then cause problems later, or he'll resist any attempt to change life as he knows it.
I'm just so sad it's coming to this, it's absolutely not what I wanted for our family.