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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Complicated for ex to have contact

6 replies

Bridge9484 · 19/07/2017 20:22

I'll try to keep this as brief as possible but it's complicated!

My ex has been having supervised contact with our son for most of our son's life, he's now 18 months old. He did have unsupervised contact in the past but I've not allowed this since he put our son in a dangerous situation that resulted in him sustaining a head injury that was checked over at our local hospital. This was the third incident that had led to my son being hurt by his dad's careless attitude.

Contact was supervised by other family members initially as ex didn't want to see me ever again after we separated. He then said that was unacceptable and we came to an agreement where he would spend time with our child in my home with me supervising.

He has always been a little abusive towards me and I have kept records of this "just in case". He has become increasingly abusive towards me during his contact with our son. He is mainly verbally abusive but there have been incidents where he has grabbed or pinched me and he has left bruises twice which I photographed. Our son has started to become aware of ex's behaviour and was very frightened recently by an incident that involved him screaming, shouting, swearing and threatening me. Ex then wouldn't leave my house until I picked up my phone to call the police.

Following this incident I contacted ex to say that I didn't want to continue with this arrangement as I was worried about mine and my son's safety and I suggested meeting up publicly to discuss contact. He did not reply to me.

I also contacted my health visitor and police who took statements and put in referrals to Social Services with concerns for my safety and our son's wellbeing. My health visitor was very concerned about the 3 incidents in the past where my ex had been responsible for our son when he sustained injuries, and she used the hospital report and photos of my bruises to back her report up.

Social Services were happy to close the case without taking action as I am safeguarding our son and my ex had not contacted me for around 1 month. However last week I received a letter from a solicitor that said that they have been instructed to apply for a court order for him to have contact with our son. I spoke to Social Services again and they told me to take no action at the moment as this may be a bluff.

I do not want to stop my son having contact with his dad but I am very worried that he will be granted unsupervised contact and my son will end up being injured again. He is too young to understand danger yet and I have valid reasons to think that ex can't be trusted. Contact centres have been suggested but I have no idea how this gets organised.

I was basically looking for someone to talk to that has been in a similar position and can point me in some direction for support to help me keep my son safe.

OP posts:
ghanchi · 30/07/2017 21:39

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Bumdishcloths · 30/07/2017 22:02

@ghanchi I hope you're not suggesting that OP is dying her child as a pawn? She's concerned for his welfare when in his father's 'care'.

Bumdishcloths · 30/07/2017 22:03

*using

heidiwine · 31/07/2017 11:50

It is clear that the relationship between you and your ex has broken down. Your son should not be exposed to any conflict between his parents: assault (verbal or physical), anger (overt or covert), abuse (including emotional).
You do not trust your ex to have unsupervised contact with your son and it would seem that social services agree with you.
The court is there to decide what is best for your son. It is often not possible for either parent to decide that because of the hurt/anger/fear involved. You should trust the court to decide what is best - the judge will have the experience to make the right decision.
Independent supervised contact will mean that your son is able to form a relationship with your ex. I think that you supervising contact might put your mind at ease but i expect it will be very stressful for your ex and your son. A contact centre can use professionals to supervise contact meaning that your son isn't put in the middle of two parents (who he must be given the chance to love equally) at war.

ghanchi · 01/08/2017 19:02

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MrsBertBibby · 01/08/2017 19:45

Well that's a view by a bunch of ill-informed misogynists.

No disrespect to their Islamic scholarship, but they know precious little about the work of the Family courts.

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