Seperated under the same roof help

[Kammyjammy]

Hi mums - me and hubby have a son aged 3 whom we adore. Past ten years together,
Married for 7 years.
we haven't emotionally connected the way I Would have like or
Hoped and have tried counselling twice, I've nearly
Left and moved out twice and our son and love for each other kept
Us together.
I am Now sick and tierd fed up
Of pursuing a marriage that does not have the emotional connection I crave. It's like we're fond roommates who have sex occasionally say once a month.
I don't even care about
The sex anymore.

I shared
My heart gently calmly again recently and how
I felt and he basically blamed my illness of depression as to why I don't want to resolve things saying you don't sound like the person I know! 😳

I say It has nothing to do with my
Illness it's do to
With us our marriage. I am not happy.
He has totally Dismissed my emotions saying your
Gonnna probably
Leave me with our son now so you may aswell carry on I have nothing else to say.

I said That's exactly why we don't work. You run away from any deep emotions and tell
Me I'm being confrontational whenever I share how I feel. No
Wonder I feel Alone and depressed at home.

So this 3rd time of wanting to leave again is difficult as we don't own our
Home, I have no savings and am going to try and
Live as calmly amicably
As I can under the same roof despite his cold hard attitude towards me speaking to
Me in a sarcastic flippant tone like he doesn't care that I'm hurting.

instead of rushing and getting away I figure i need to have time to
Find somewhere to live near my sons nursery, and get my
Head around the no help in the house, with cooking and
Bedtimes like my hubby does. No hobbies twice a week unless folks help in the future.
My hubby is great practically as a dad but not Emotionally and it's lonely. I actually feel heavy and uncomfortable with our small talk each day.

It's not about us changing as we are who we are and it is what it is. He is twenty years older and won't change now and only I have grown and changed for the better since we been together.

At first things were great age was just a number but didn't expect
To feel like this.
I just can't see myself growing old and looking after him
When I don't feel connected emotionally To Him.

I feel need to try and get financial support to help With my income and up keep of Me and my son and try and get some Savings to go with us.

My question is has anyone else remained in such a awkward toxic environment ,so you can find your feet and make Plans to leave?

I'm confused and doubting myself at times because of fear Of being 33 single Mom grieving for the loss of
All the effort I have put into a ten year relationship.

I am Hoping my son although he'll pine for his dad around won't be emotionally affected by this situation at 3yrs and if I tell him daddy works away that he'll learn to understand- I dunno what Id tell him as he loves his dad. However I have stayed for
Sons sake Before and things are the same- no change 😔

I hop my depression doesn't win and make Me Not cope alone with son as I feel like giving up at times but I know I need strength for myself and my son he needs me.

My close family friends don't know where we are at as I don't need them trying to
Keep us together. They just know
I'm hurting!

I feel alone isolated and scared for my future.

Can anyone relate or help re financial support for workers or living separated under the same roof? I want a divorce but Wouldn't Dream of throwing that in right now 😣

My wife is leaving Saturday.we have been living under same roof for 3 months since she decided that she wanted divorce. I am now in a much better place than 3 months ago and although it will be terribly dad for us both we both know it's the right option. We started to have really serious rows and I came to realise we were delaying the inevitable and was just in limbo.I would say stick as long as you can until you have a plan of where to live etc.all the best

Thank you for your reply. I am making plans in finding somewhere else to live. I've tried hard to see past the disconnection and just can't. He doesn't see or share that he agrees but seems to always want to patch up and keep going. I can't help him see anymore. I'm glad you found relief in your decision. It's all raw for us. I am gonna take a rest as been online and phone appts non stop. All the best to you too

Good idea take a break.in the beginning forums like this were a great source of comfort. But as it goes on you will find you don't need to visit half as much which for me showed I was coming to terms and moving forward

Thanks Viking i can see you are right re the less validation you seek and move forward the easier it will be. And. Many have done it. I'm not going to have a pitty party whilst in the thick of it. I've had to already tell my mom to support my decision which she will, and not try and keep us together as it's gone past that in my view.

I'm just in the same situation except we jointly own our home. I don't know whether to go or stay. I'd like him to go for a temporary measure to give me some space. He's refused but left a note this morning to say hell look for somewhere. The trouble is, he has no friends really. So I don't know how to go on, and I am also terribly sad about the whole thing. Heartbroken. But with two small children, we can't carry on.

I too was heartbroken and when wife leaves Saturday will no doubt have a good cry but all the time we were under the same roof it felt like a wound that can't heal and the pain of the actual split is so necessary for both to move on.I don't have friends as such but my grown son has been fantastic to me and actually fathered me these last months I'm so proud of him .

Nottalotta - your
Situation is v similar and with Children I have tried staying
In the unhappy marriage for my only son and it hasn't brought us closer. I now need to be strong albeit it overwhelmingly painful for myself and my sanity and for my sons sake, his emotional wellbeing. I don't want him affected by me being in a unhappy situation. I want to be happy for him so he can be emotionally strong and stable as possible and know that's it's ok to make a change when you have tried your best.

It devastating to be honest. Trying to find a new place in a location or area that you wouldn't ever imagine living but it's all that's available.

Going supermarket realising you'll be buying and cooking for two not 3.

It all hurts but like you said Viking- it has to be done to be able
To move on and find a hopeful future.

I for the first time in ages thought - I don't need a relationship to Define me. I am enough and there are many single- parents who find joy and contentment in their lives without the pain of a dead relationship.

I just gotta keep strong and as positive as possible as my mental health is fragile. I do have prof support for my mental health.

I'm not gonna let this situation make me more poorly as I think my marriage in the end has contributed to my depression

I'm. Incredibly anxious which I think is as a direct result of my husbands behaviour. I was confident, independent and happy. Now I'm.filled with self doubt, overthink everything.

It's really sad as he can be the best most kind person, but I just don't see that person anymore. He's been really nasty to me, in front of the children. Line crossed.

I know exactly how you feel and I've spoken to domestic abuse Helpine and he falls into the category of emotional psychological abuse. My self esteem confidence has been chipped away over the years and it's time to move on for the 3rd time in trying now for my own mental health which is already worsening because of this situation. It's a very overwhelming emotional grieving experience. Being a good man isn't enough if your going to lower my self esteem in the process by not connecting with me emotionally at all but keeping me around!