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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Concerns over son having contact with dad

2 replies

pocokot · 18/07/2017 14:09

I'm new to this so I'm not sure of the abbreviations, I'll try and keep this short and as clear as possible.

I was in a domestic abuse relationship with my ex and we have a son together. I called police and ex was charged with battery against myself and my son who was 1 at the time. We went to Court and he was awarded contact every Tuesday and every other Friday overnight.

Ex stopped abiding by court order within a few months and his parents took over the order. To keep a long story short, ex was in and out of our son's life constantly and every time I tried to stop contact as it was so irregular, he would throw the court order in my face.

We (myself and ex's parents) all had had enough and told him he either visited his son regular or didn't see him at all. Ex agreed to have our son more and requested overnight stays at his house.

In September, my son was 3 at the time and had started full time school so the Tuesday overnights were dropped. Ex's parents didn't want to lose time with my son so the following was agreed;

One weekend night with ex's parents. Following week, one weekend night with my ex. So, ex's parents have my son twice a month and ex has our son twice a month.

Ex's parents help out during half terms or whenever I needed childcare outside of these arrangements which wasn't very often.

Since September, ex has cancelled one his nights 6 times. So roughly, only having him once a month. Every time we disagreed something, he would throw the court order in my face and declare he could have his son whenever the court order stated.

Anyway, a couple of months ago, I noticed severe scratch marks on his neck when he dropped my son off. I asked him about his neck and said our son had done it. I didn't believe it for a second as the scratch marks were so deep they looked like a love bite but in a scratch formation.

Also, spoken to ex's sister who has confirmed, ex's current partner confided in her and said ex had hit her.

I have been on edge every time I drop son off to ex, hoping the violence isn't going on in front my son.

My son came home on Saturday night from his dad's house. (My son turns 4 next month).Sunday morning, we were in bed together when he said to me, 'I'll punch you in the face' in which I asked where he had got this from, he replied 'daddy said it to (ex's current partner) when he pushed her in the dishes and slapped her face.'

I called ex's parents and discussed this and ex's dad advised he would go down and speak to my ex. Ex denied it happening.

I sent a private message to ex's partner and said I had been in her position before and it isn't right for my son to be in such a volatile environment. She denied any abuse going on in the home.

I have phoned Social Services to voice my concerns and they have advised there isn't anything they can do as there isn't any proof which I thought would be the case anyway.

Myself and ex's parents are taking this very serious as we all have my son's best interests at heart and know exactly what my ex is like when he gets angry. He's done it to previous ex girlfriends, however I was the only one who pressed charges.

I've awaiting a phone call from a Solicitor later today, I know I can't prove this in Court but purely want to go back to Court to have the Court Order amended to reflect our current arrangements (two nights a month).

Before any real concerns, ex was offered extra day here and there if my son had an inset day but ex never wanted it. He has never, ever, asked for extra time with our son apart from next month in which he is taking him on holiday for 5 days. This will be the first time he's ever had him for more than 2 nights in a row.

Is there anything I can do, as I am going out of my mind. My son is due to go up there in two weeks time and I am absolutely dreading it. The holiday is also fast approaching and I'm worried sick!

Any help is much appreciated!!

OP posts:
Justhadmyhaircut · 18/07/2017 14:19

I would be letting him take you to court and let them look into speaking to your ds about it. .
And he wouldn't be seeing him until a judge ordered it. .
Lovely that his dps have been a stable addition for your ds. .
Your ds doesn't need to be part of ex's relationship drama or abused.

donners312 · 19/07/2017 19:19

yes would stop contact and if he wants to see his son it will have to be at his parents.

at least they are supportive and understand.

bet he doesn't take you to court.

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