Divorcing, adult DS depressed

[Properjob]

Hi all have previously posted on the support thread and elsewhere. We are stuck in the house as its not selling. Our DH, 25, returned home recently after a failed attempt at Plan A in the big city. He's depressed, but has signed on and making some attempt to find work. The big problem is that he is really laying into me about the divorce. Although he is loving in between, he really blames me and although I've apologised for my part in the traumatic times he remembers, he just won't let it go. It's been nearly a month and there's not much improvement. It's hard for me to keep my ego intact under a barrage of him regurgitating his father's words from years ago which I maintain are inaccurate anyway, acknowledging that we all have our own perceptions. Can anyone recommend a way forward? I'm really trying not to provoke him, but it's pretty hard not to say anything all day long (I'm retired, but do try to go out a lot, while not neglecting the DC). Stbxh is out even more than me but just seems to be able to twist everything in his favour.

[Wallywobbles]

Tell him to move out if he can't support you. Depression is not an excuse for being abusive.

[Properjob]

Wally, STBXH is still in house as is our DD19 though she's away this weekend. I do want to support DS and of course it would be easy for them to have me moving out, but I don't think it's good for the DCs.

[JaffaCakesMum]

Proper, you know me from the other thread. DD18 has laid into me about 'fucking up' everybody's life. It's very hard to hear it and I'm not blameless but most of our problems at the moment have been caused by her dad. I've tried my best to keep my mouth shut and see it as her letting off steam as I'm the one who's here and listens to her. She suffers panic attacks and she tells me she has mild depression (untreated/undiagnosed). Every now and then I'll take her to lunch and try not to speak about what is going on and just listen to her talking about her life, there are also a lot more hugs than there used to be. It is very tempting to try and do things for them to help them but that'll push them away more as they aren't young kids anymore and as DD2 (16) says 'don't be that mum'. Try and be there for him, try and change the conversation round to other better things. Make sure you have somewhere safe in the house that you can go and have a good cry - in my house, it's the en-suite. I've been in the situation for over a year now and the girls, just like me, need a lot of time to process everything. Good luck.

[Properjob]

Hiya Jaffa am sure I replied to this before, sorry to leave you hanging. I've had my own room for a while sadly but yes handy now! DS not improved much by,t am hanging in there. Hope you ok other thread dead as a dodo wil try to wake it up