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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Original poster

How to start a separation?

17 replies

dopeydee · 10/07/2017 17:11

My husband and I have been married for nearly 3 years and have and 3 year old son together. He has 2 other sons by 2 previous relationships. When we got together I owned a flat which I sold and with the proceeds bought a house for us all, solely in my name, though we have jointly contributed to the mortgage. Over the years we have been through turbulent times; namely a gambling problem on his part and a drink dependency that he is in denial about. Over the last 2 years he has frequently accused me of cheating, he has been through our bank statements for the last 6 years, logged into all my social media accounts (to see historic messages). I have modified my behaviour to avoid these accusations and to please him. But I have had enough.

I have suggested that we separate (even for a trial period). But he is refusing to leave. I haven't taken any actions such as packing bags, locking him out. But I don't know how to proceed. He wants me to move out as I made the suggestion. If I let this play out with him here I think he will worm his way back into my good books and all will be well for a while but then we will have another round of accusations in 3 months time.

He has said previously that I can't make him leave as he has the other two boys to think of but they have primary residence at their mothers - is this true?

What should I do?

OP posts:
Holland00 · 20/07/2017 10:13

I would insist he leave and change the locks if necessary, also get some legal advice.
You have already recognised that the pattern will continue given the opportunity.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/07/2017 10:17

I have suggested that we separate (even for a trial period). But he is refusing to leave

You are married. He doesn't have to leave until you are divorced and financials are settled.

also get some legal advice.

Which would tell you you can't change the locks.

Eeny · 20/07/2017 10:21

You can't change the locks as your married and he has the right to live there but I would separate asap as he sounds abusive and awful.

The house with my seen as part of the assets within the marriage and divided accordingly. The shorter the marriage, the better the outcome for you I would imagine.

Sparrowlegs248 · 20/07/2017 10:38

Firstly seek sone legal advice. Yes, you are married but ultimately the house is in your name. Yes, he would be entitled to sone settlement in the event of a divorce, but as the primary carer for your child, you will take priority for housing. Overnight/weekend access to his other sons is largely irrelevant.

Our house is in joint names so I really can't kick him out. In your situation, I would.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/07/2017 10:39

Yes, you are married but ultimately the house is in your name.

They are married. It is a joint asset.

Sparrowlegs248 · 20/07/2017 10:59

Indeed. However, if he sought housing advice, and said his wife was the owner of the property and had changed the locks, no one would expect him to return or her to allow him to.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/07/2017 11:00

Indeed. However, if he sought housing advice, and said his wife was the owner of the property and had changed the locks, no one would expect him to return or her to allow him to.

I completely disagree. If he sought legal advice he would very much be told that he has every right to be there and that it is a joint asset.

Sparrowlegs248 · 20/07/2017 11:08

It is a joint asset of course. Ime, if he presented as homeless based on op kicking him out, and had nowhere else to go, he could make a homeless applucation. If he was the joint owner, he couldn't.

Eeny · 20/07/2017 11:11

He has the right to live e there and can apply to do so until the divorce is finalised.

http://blog.landregistry.gov.uk/what-happens-to-the-family-home-in-the-event-of-a-divorce/

I am amazed how many people don't realise the legalities of marriage.

Eeny · 20/07/2017 11:15

Op you can't force him to leave but don't let that stop you starting divorce proceedings. The cycle of gambling and drinking will continue, get out as fast as you can.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/07/2017 11:21

he could make a homeless applucation.

Which as a single man would get him nowhere.

It is also lying as he is a joint owner.

Holland00 · 20/07/2017 12:38

I thought OP stated that the house is owned solely by her?

Sparrowlegs248 · 20/07/2017 12:42

She did Holland. His contribution would be taken into account with the divorce settlement.

I'm not saying that he has no right to live there. What do you think will happen if she changes the locks?

Sparrowlegs248 · 20/07/2017 12:44

Posted too soon...... And he applies to live there? She's the sole owner, with a small child. He's a drinker and a gamblers.

Holland00 · 20/07/2017 12:52

I'm posting that in response to posters who are saying he can't be made to leave because their married.

Sparrowlegs248 · 20/07/2017 12:54

Yes sorry Holland, posted in a hurry.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/07/2017 12:57

I thought OP stated that the house is owned solely by her?

They are married. It's a joint asset.

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