Handling the guilt!

[notonmynelly]

Hi everyone,

Married 8 years with two children. After a really really long time of wanting to divorce it's finally happening.

I'm just struggling to handle the guilt and pity I'm feeling for my stbxh. He keeps talking about how I'm ruining his life, he will be alone forever, ruining the kids life etc etc.

Realistically he has a great well paid job, is buying me out so keeping the house and has a supportive family.

I on the other hand have no job (sahm) , no money and no family at all!! So why do I feel so bloody guilty? This marriage is dead in the water but sometimes I feel like just calling the divorce off just because I feel so sorry for him.

Hey, no real words of advice I am afraid but I am in exactly the same position (apart from the calling the split off bit). I made the decision to move myself and the children out of the marital home as he was using it as a weapon, claiming i was the worst person in the world, making him homeless, taking his children away, ruining his life. Hardest decision I ever made but when I did a massive cloud lifted. After years of feeling unworthy, not good enough and miserable I am starting to be me again. He is still digging me out constantly, messing me about with when he wants the girls, giving me the bare minimum child maintenance when he is earning well but won't prove his income. It sucks but the children have their happy mummy back. It's a massive upheaval and yes of course I still feel guilty but I did what I had to do for my own sanity. Big hugs and Stay strong xx

Time will help. Of course he's loading on the guilt, he didn't have the balls to call it a day, now he can look like the good guy and get the divorce he wants. How many people do you see on here hoping the other half will either mess up or ask for a divorce so they don't have to be the one who is labelled the 'marriagebreaker'.

When I felt like you did I just made myself a short list of the reasons we were divorcing. Helped a lot. As did XDH starting internet dating within 6 weeks of my initial announcement.

Thanks for your replies. He is definitely enjoying playing the victim. Like you say I just need to keep reminding myself I why I'm divorcing in the first place. The bubble of excitement I get when I think of being divorced from him keeps me going!! C

Don't feel guilty you will probably be shocked how quick he moves on when he meets someone

I can second that. My Exdh put me through hell insisting the break up was all me and he was happy to keep going and that it would ruin him. He started seeing someone within four weeks of me leaving and was keen to tell me after two months how he was moving on.
It should make me feel less guilty but it doesn't, it feels like he played me and came up smelling of roses while I had all the sewerage.