Hi, I am in pieces at the moment. I have a beautiful relationship, or so I thought! I have found out my husband of 10 years is having an emotional affair with a 20 year old colleague for 6 months. He is 37 . We have a 6 year old. I was totally oblivious because sickeningly we were one of those couples who are so in love, amazing friendship and fun and fab sex life. In April I was on his phone and found a whole what's app conversation with this girl that I had my suspicions about. Picture a beautiful sexy thin blonde model! There was a naked photo of her and he was clearly aroused. The conversation went back and forth and mentioned their secret meet up
Location. My whole world stopped. Instead of telling the truth he was angry with me for snoooping and shouting at me. He moved out for a week. We tried to talk. The whole time it was like he never really showed any emotion or reaslised how serious this was. He told me they only met a few times after wrk. I checked his bank statements. Sure enough they met nearly once a week since Feb. He assured me no sex, no kissing just chats. Months have passed. He says he is fighting for me and our life and marriage. There have been some lovely days since, almost like a honeymoon where it seems like we can get through this bog. But last night he cracked, cried for first time sobbing.. only took him 1 month to get this emotion!! Telling me I am too good for him. I can only move on if I know all the facts, all the meet ups then I feel that the slate is clean and we can rebuild. So he announced that in Jan he was thinking of leaving me as he felt hd could never do anything right. He felt he had fallen out of love with me and that I deserved better! His feelings for this 20 year old( 16 years younger) happened in Jan. He finally told me the truth after 6 weeks of asking him to be totally honest with me. They met 2/3 times a week. They went for drinks, they went for a few meals, they sat on the beach after work. They kissed twice, held hands. When I found out in April I messaged her and she was so young telling me there was no love between me and hubby and that he loved her and was going to leave me. Yuk! Since then we have been trying to repair but the lies upon lies are so vast. I am desperate for us to be together as he is literally my love and life. He drinks a lot and smokes.. he is often in a fog and he gets so low and has always had severe depression and talked about topping himself on occasions in our marriage. I know he never will but for me , that is why I am still here. I know he is not his right self, he is so lost and broken that he is doing things and acting like he shouldn't be. He keeps saying " how could I ever do this, I am despicable, I never thought I would be capable of hurting u.".. I just want to shake him and say well move on, focus on us. Even last night we chatted about living apart, he even told me then ... "I am so confused, I want u but I still have feelings for her." When it happened I asked him to stop all contact and delete her, but he still sees her st wrk. Reading this you will probably think well leave him.. he doesn't deserve u. What I haven't said is we lost a baby a year ago. He witnessed all that and years of ivf to get there.. and then I nearly lost my life as I was rushed to emergency theatre and fought for my life. He lives with that every day. I grieved for our loss, I don't know if he ever did. We have been trying for another baby, we have ivf booked for srptember( before any of this shite happened) now he is telling me he does not ever want another child. He has suffered trauma. I just want things to move forward, I keep thinking we are there- stronger and more united than ever before. We have talked this to death, but only now months on is the truth coming out. I miss him. I can move on if I am respected and the love is level but I feel like I am always doing the holding on and fighting to keep us. I am sorry this is soooo long! I would love any advice or experiences. THAnku xxx