Child care costs - advice pleaae

[Runlovingmummy81]

Hello,

I'm after some advice on a point that is becoming particularly difficult with my ex husband.

Bit of background. Been separated 2 years, divorced 1 year. Left due to financial and emotional abuse. Took me through court on divorce, money and children.

We now have a court order (since Oct last year), it is descriptive on who is responsible for the children in each day, we share holidays 50/50. I have the children 8/14 nights. He has 6 nights as well as two days daytime responsibility. He pays maintenance based on the number of nights (done through cms).

Our youngest attends a pre school for 18 hours a week, the first 15 are his funded. The last 3 hours fall on a day of his responsibility.

Who is responsible for the cost of this?

Thanks

A lot of replies will say it's both, you should split it however there are far too many asshole non resident parents who wouldn't help with childcare costs, so I say he's responsible solely however, regardless of court order, he could say he won't have the kids on that particular day so the cost is down to you.

I have asked to have my son on that day instead of him being in pre school (I'm a sahm) but he refuses as he's responsible....

You've offered a compromise which he has declined. He pays for the three hours.

Agreed, if he won't let you have him, he pays.

He has a choice:- pay for the care or dont have the care.

Just say to him "I am reducing ds nursery hours down to just the 15 free. This is the number for the nursery if you want to book any sessions of your own".

As you would be willing to have your child at home on the days in question, if he wants the child to be at nursery, he pays.

He's had reminder letters which he has passed onto me. I've said what you have said in response. He's claiming I should pay them as the main carer.... Someone's told him apparently lol

Whose bank/card details do the nursery have?

They don't. He's never paid. The balance is outstanding from September.

I've spoken with the pre school and they know I'm not to pay.

I would just say to them to drop the three exyra hours per week then until the arrears are cleared then its his issue.

His day, his choice to send him for the extra hours, his responsibility.

Thanks ladies. He's a typical narcissist and controlling man. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't just me lol

The preschool manager has just emailed back to say he's ignoring them!

I think that technically they are your costs, although not morally. I agree with PP, if the hours are during his time then cancel them and he either pays or sorts something else out.

The way I've tried to explain it to him is that if needed child care on his holiday weeks would I be expected to cover this too....

It irritates me because I'd have DS2 at home with me but he won't allow it as that's not what the court order says. So he expects DS2 to go into preschool and me to cover the cost!

don't give in to his games - let the nursery staff deal with him.

they will cancel those days if he doesn't contact them....then he will be forced to deal with them

It's always a game with him. Thank you x