I've just woken up from a really hot dream about a guy I used to see before I met my STBXH. I have been chatting with him recently on messenger, just literally chatting, and found out he's moved to Switzerland. That got me thinking, even before I set the ball rolling re: separation, that if I could, I would get on a plane to Geneva and just go there and HAVE him in a passion. (I'm turning myself on!) We used to have amazing sex. (He once turned up at my house in the middle of the night and was so desperate to fuck me that he ripped his t-shirt trying to get undressed.)
No sex in almost a year with STBXH.
Anyway, I've just had a dream in which I basically played out my fantasy of going over there to shag him. I think I might write it down in some detail. I guess it's my subconscious trying out 'safe' scenarios that are sexy but unlikely to happen.
I've also been having rekindled feelings for another past love. Maybe it's just a way of getting through separation with a little fantasy 'cushion' to take the sharp edges off things a little bit.
Also could be about reminding myself I'm still attractive? I have started slimming world this week, and gone back to running too. So lots of body image stuff.