Help! No idea how to live together and separate!

[sheepashwap]

Basically the title. We get on but he doesn't want to sleep with me (for years - had therapies and conclusion is he's asexual or gray-A) so I've had enough and have asked to divorce. He's agreed. For practical reasons we're going to need to live together a while longer (could be over a year). This is fine in many, many ways (because we live as co-parents and flatmates very well together).

But..I don't know how to start a new chapter in my love life at the same time. I mean, I will never be able to have someone over (which I'd never do if the kids were there anyway), but if I'm going out all night then how do I not explain that, or explain it, without rubbing salt into his wounds?! He doesn't want to sleep with me, but doesn't get that I could want to have sex with anybody. Simply not crossed his mind. It's not about controlling me - I'm certain of that.

And if we've decided we're separated, even if we're co-habiting, is it cheating if I do sleep with someone else?

It was my idea to divorce/separate and it's actually made our relationship better in many ways, but I've absolutely no idea how to deal with this aspect. I'm not asexual at all but not had sex for 5 years at all and before that it was about once a year for a few years. So this is really important to me.

Help!

I'd say it's entirely up to you. If you're ready to get back out there and it sounds like you are, then why not? You are separated. No explanations needed. He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it.

This may seem ridiculous, but are we separated because I asked and he agreed? Or is it like a mini-separation because we're still living together? It's hard to figure out what to do because we get on! There aren't arguments, we aren't avoiding each other, the atmosphere is better in fact than before the agreement. This is all good in many ways, but I just am not sure if it means we're really separated! We sleep in separate rooms, but have done for over a year anyway.

If I had asked my stbxh to separate his answer would have been and still is no. I'm not really sure asking is the right word. But whatever agreement you come to, you need to have clear boundaries and it sounds like you're not quite there yet. Being on good terms is good. But ime that changes when reality hits and discussions about money are being had.

I think living together skews things. I've found it a complete nightmare, it confuses the children massively. It's definitely prolonged the pain and grief. Sharing a house with someone you were once intimate with but now detest is awful. You suddenly wish they didn't parade around with their hairy bits on show. You find yourself covering up, where once you'd just got dressed without a care. It's been hideous. Had he left like we had agreed after Christmas then I think we would be on better terms.