I just made a list about my abusive ex...

[StrongerThanIThought76]

Something a colleague said to me today got me thinking about what my exh did to make me think about separating. So I sat down just now and made a list. It's 19 points long so far.

Now I'm out of the fog of the divorce (we separated 7 years ago) I can't believe I let another human being treat me so badly. Each of the points on the list I've seen on here in AIBU in the last few months, I'm sure each would result in a LTB.

I did LTB. But it's taken me this long to realise I absolutely did the right thing - yes my kids are now a statistic coming from a broken home, but they're not exposed to his horrendous abuse any more.

I got out too. I also put up with many, many things that are difficult to comprehend outside the fog. It's been difficult, the abuse still goes on but in different ways, but the impact is so much less now we don't have to live with him and his abuse day in, day out.

We absolutely did the right thing. Glad things are better for you now

Right back at you Greencar! My ex is currently screwing with the kids over Maintenance and contact (doesn't want to and can't be bothered) but yeah, so much better!

Wish I could tell my younger self how much better it would be in the future.

Another one who suffered with the fog for a long time. I wrote a list too. To this day if I ever have even a momentary wobble, I re-read it!

I should make a book list. Wobbles happen, wondering whether it would have been better to put up and shut up, but this sounds like such a sensible thing to do.

stronger that sounds so familiar. I'm always struck by how closely stories match, like they have a textbook. I'm not as long free as you so hoping that I catch up with where you're at in a few years

Good thread stronger I'm in the process of divorcing my H of 23 years, together 28. I look back at his horrendous treatment of me and wonder why I put up with it. I think I just thought he had some stupid personality traits, I now realise he's an emotionally abusive narcissist. And he's now doing it to the kids so that's me over and out with him. I thank the internet and forums like this that made me wake up and see what he is.

I despise him so much. He even stated that I needed to accept responsibility for his affair(s) because if I'd showed him more love and affection he wouldn't have needed to go elsewhere!

This is one side of the story its always interesting to know your behaviour during the marriage