Dh won't accept it's over

[thistoosha11pass]

The title says it all. Historically bad behaviour from him, porn addiction, camming, online affairs. I've tried to save it, and then later have been trying to end it, lack of confidence and insecurity stopped me. 10yr Marriage is now dead in the water, no sex for 3 years, separate rooms, no trust, just a waste of fucking time.

But he won't have it. I know he's not happy but does not want to live apart from his kids and is refusing to accept that it's over. I ended it last week but I'm just not getting through to him that it's not working. We are hurting the kids with this model of relationships.

Anyone been through this? Is it a phase that we/he will work through? At the moment he is swinging between being a vortex of doom, a nasty bastard and father of the year. I'm so fucking tired and I just want to move on.

In my experience the best thing to do is to say as little as possible and get on with things legally.

I'm actually scared of my Wasband and I will not provoke him. He's completely Jekyll & Hyde.

I've been incarcerated in my bedroom most evenings since January. But the end is now in sight. The sooner you get the ball rolling, the better. I waited FAR too long!

Cream - yes you're right - say as little as possible and crack on. Wasband has a little of Jekyll and Hyde too. It's quite scarey
Back in a bot

Christ Hermoine - how horrendous. At least you had a witness. This is what scares me - when they get the rage. And I bet he thought he was justified in acting like that.

Crikey - we must all be married to the same man ! I'm surprised at how many people are obviously in virtually identical situations to me - told him nearly 3 weeks ago that I definitely want a divorce after years of 'settling' - fed up with not having a partner to share life with, taking responsibility for everything, him getting into debt then fucking up his job, his use of explicit material and generally burying his head in the sand - amazingly bad things just seem to happen to him - he's such a bloody victim it's untrue. Have had the same conversation with him countless times to no avail and no change in his behaviour. On Monday night he turns to me and says "are we really going to do this?" - errr- yes cue more frustrating conversation prior to announcing that he won't go for mediation on Wednesday after all.
He has known I've been thinking about this for ages, he knew I'll recently had the house valued and sought legal advice. He hasn't changed at all of put any effort into improving things despite my suggestion of joint counselling until now - the 11th hour. He's really playing with my head, emotionally I feel sorry for him (he has been diagnosed with q severe depression) & I want to believe he can change - who eants to put their children and themselves through divorce - but my sensible head knows that he has had many, many chances to do so already and has never taken them. Trying really hard to stick to my guns but it's really hard, feel manipulated quite honestly. It's very sad but also reassuring to know I'm not alone X

I don't understand why anyone expects, based on proven past awful behaviour, that these men will help facilitate anything approaching amicable

Just get on with the divorce and cut the fuckers right out of your head

You contribute in your own way to prolonging the agony by hoping over common sense that they will make it easy for you or easy on their kids

If they had the emotional intelligence to do that in the 1st place you wouldn't be trying to escape them

Save your compassion for your own self and your kids

Harsh - but true I know. I guess when you have invested so much into a relationship/someone (10 years of marriage in my case) it's just hard to let go I guess. You're letting go of a lot of hopes and aspirations for your family too I guess - it's now a question of establishing new ones.

If you keep on doing what you are doing, you will carry on getting what you got

Easy advice to give...more difficult to live it of course.

If you ladies want a different way to live...you will have to move on. There is no other way. Expecting dicks like the shower described here to collaborate with you is like hoping a leopard will change it's spots.