SAHM divorce, what am I entitled to?

[pink28]

It's been a long time coming but there's no other way, divorce is the only route out of this life.

My first concern is our 2 children 7&14, his first concern is how much money he's going to lose!

I suggest we try and do things without to much solicitor involvement to try and keep costs down. He immediately starts badgering me for an answer to how much I want. He thinks 50/50 would be 'morally' right but I'm not so quick to agree. I don't want to short change my children or myself. I'm not money grabbing I just want what I'm entitled to. Any ideas?

I've been a SAHM since we had children, this has allowed H to work without worrying/sharing the child care responsibilities. He can go abroad at the drop of a hat and finish work when he wants. We have a joint mortgage and a couple of cars. All savings are in his name. I have absolutely nothing. I have lived depending financially on him for almost 20yrs (married 6) I do worry about how on earth all this will work out. My son has special needs and I don't want to uproot him but even with a job I could fit around the children there's no way I can afford to stay in this house.

Anyone with experience of this from the point of view of being a SAHM?

Certainly go and see a solicitor asap and take finance details like what's left of mortgage if anything, value of house, how deposit was paid for etc also his earnings. I think you could do the divorce itself on your own, will keep costs right down but the finances sound like you need mediation and then a solicitor.

I am pretty much in the same situation as you OP. I have just recently split with DH after 13yrs of marriage. I am also a sahm to two DS one of which also has special needs so I am his carer and receive the middle rate, my son also gets a dla which is NOT taken into consideration when sorting out finances because that money is for my son.

I recently saw a lawyer with my free 30min consultation. She told me that as we have a joint mortgage that she would try and get me most if not all the equity of the house, but this is because my husband earns a very good salary so her argument is that he could still afford a nice house after the divorce. She said that I would be entitled to spouse maintenance as well as child maintenance.

I will see a couple more solicitors also because I've been advised to see 3 if I can. I advise you to do the same a get a heads up before you start proceedings...unless you already have?

I haven't spoken to anyone yet, trying to prepare myself. My H earns decent money but is very tight with it. Before getting DLA a year ago I'd literally have to beg for money and justify what it was for, so demeaning.

Pink everyone's situation is unique, but it sounds like I was in a very similar position. XH refused to have a joint bank account, although he was the only earner.

My experience has been largely positive. I am now better off financially. I should hopefully have a fairly comfortable retirement. XH didn't want the children for any formal amount of time. He dips in and out. He and his job comes first. I dont really care anymore. I have a decent standard of living, the DCs appear relatively unscathed and secure (staying in the family home minimised the disruption to them, I'm convinced of that). I have a lovely boyfriend.

As someone who s out the other side, I can only say it's not always miserable. Marriage was way more miserable than divorce/single parenthood.

You get Child Benefit yes?

Good to hear fox.

Yes I get child benefit but because of what he earns it has to be paid back.

Sorry, just placemarking.

You'll keep the child benefit, and it will no longer be paid back via his tax return.

Be mindful that if you are awarded spousal maintenance this is taken into account if you are in a Universal Credit area. Child maintenance isn't considered with regard to benefits.

OPit sounds like he has been financially abusive and actually you will be better off without him.

Wikivorce is a good source of info but do see a solicitor. It's a false economy not to.