Any positive 'a year ago' stories to share?

[Nikitasol]

Needing some upbeat - it'll be alright stories after a big break up. After 6 years and one DC, my partner and I have split up. He's moving out on Monday. It's not salvageable though we can be respectfully civil to each other most of the time so on that note, that's a major bonus. However, the break up is going to leave me beyond broke and financially panicky (he's a teacher so it's going to be tight all round), found out I was losing my main freelance 'bread and butter' job the other week with almost no notice due to funding cuts various other shifty things recently. I need it after the day I've had today too - epic tantrums (not mine), dose of worms from nursery, gammy twisted knee and didn't get job I thought I was a shoe in for it went to interview for last week (they only just told me). Just starting to feel like this is it.. I've given up a regular income to become a mum whilst my ex's life hasn't changed all that much, money's always going to be a worry and the possibility of meeting someone else in my mid 40s seems unlikely. Feeling negative and scared about the future. If you have any positive tales of moving on and moving forward and thinking a year ago you were in a miserable situation, please share! Could really do with some positive outcomes right now!

Good idea Nikitasol.I have found ways around most of my challenges, the most annoying was finding ex had taken all the tools so when I needed a screwdriver it was there.

I am happier in my house alone and don't miss him at all.The only times is sharing the joys of dc but I have other relatives who I share with now.

Good idea Nikitasol.I have found ways around most of my challenges, the most annoying was finding ex had taken all the tools so when I needed a screwdriver it was there.

I am happier in my house alone and don't miss him at all.The only times is sharing the joys of dc but I have other relatives who I share with now.

We separated after 24 years of marriage in 2013; divorce final in early 2014. Six weeks after my split I met my DP (&I am in my 60s ) so DO NOT think 40s is over the hill. Having the best sex of my life.
Ex was an ass, who dragged financial settlement out til Jan 2017, so life in the last 4 years has had its challenges. I moved 3 times within the first year, but gave me the chance to throw stuff away -helped me to start fresh. Finances were and are tight, but I am free & happy.
You will be too.

This time last year I couldn't sleep with worry, mainly financial, just like you. Been told so many times 'we can't afford'!!!!! I was really really stressed, to the point I had to go on antidepressants and have counselling for my anxiety.
Well. It's been 9 months since I bought a place. I decorated it beautifully and according to my taste. DD is happiest she's been in yonks. I can sleep at night. I have some savings. I learnt to budget for 2, instead of 3. You know what? It's so much cheaper!!!! And I can afford the things I need. Because it's much easier to budget without a grumpy selfish sod. No more procrastinating for ages about changing providers, no more walking on eggshells about the can of paint for decorating and having to seek approval for the colour, then told he can't help, doesn't know how. It's easier. Much easier.
You'll be fine, OP.

I'm clinging to this thread. So positive. Well done posters! 💜

Sending you love OP

I was in an awful relationship for many years and it only took the breakup to realise how bloody awful it was
I was left to pay the mortgage and all the bills in a place that I didn't want and was forced to buy with him

In feb this year we moved out and I no longer have that albatross round my neck. We now have a really happy family home. It's rented but I don't mind that. All the bills are paid and my babies are so much happier

You'll be fine I promise xxx

Thanks gang. You've all been so helpful and supportive.

It's nearly the end of week 1 in the house. I'm really bricking it about money but have got enough to cover the rent till June which is something. I've also drunk a lot of gin this week (not usually a total lush!) but I think if it gets me through the next couple of weeks it's ok. My son has stopped sleeping so I'm exhausted and work has gone to pot.

I've decided to tackle what I can do so am sorting out the garden(on credit ) so at least my son has somewhere nice to play this summer.

A great idea for a thread, I'm enjoying the inspiring stories here while I simultaneously make plans to separate from my Husband. He's currently out snorting cocaine and getting off his head for the 2nd night in a row. I have 2 children in bed my 11 year old is out of mind with worry about him as she is aware of what he does now when he 'disappears' after work.

How are you getting on now? I hope you are coping well and feeling a bit lighter xxx

Best wishes OP

I'm a few months in and it's still vv hard, ds esp unhappy and not sleeping.

moanranger esp love your story, and others.

I am finding it less stressful not having oh in the house, but sad dcs is v heartbreaking.

Thanks v much for the positive stories.

Im 18 months in. It's tough going but deep down I am more content, less stressed and much more like my old self.
We'll all get there. I just know it .

Well I had another row with my ex today after having a really lovely sunny start to the day before that. It just reminded me of how tough it was before emotionally.

It's still early days here post split and although it's been a really tough week (been so so broke I went to a food bank) but I feel so much more cheerful in myself and although DC misses daddy he's seen him an awful lot too. It's been so much easier not having that constant conflict in the house. Already friends are saying how much better I look and happier in myself. I just am trusting it's all going to be alright even if it's hard too.

A year ago I thought I was happily married in a relationship I valued and cared about. Two lovely kids, secure jobs and a decent home.
In August h decided to tell me after a week's holiday that he didn't feel the same any more and was leaving - after 15 years of marriage.
No reason, no fight, just went.
I had my suspicions at the time and I was right. He is now in a relationship with a 'friend' from before. Apparently it all started afterwards. Yeah right......
Anyway. I won't say it has been easy, I would be lying. The dc have struggled hugely with their emotions. They see their dad twice a week but the relationship between will never be the same.
I have struggled to get a mortgage but managed in the end and bought h out of our house.
I can honestly say now I am in a good place. I miss being part of a couple but I don't miss him. It's only now I realise how much I was being drained by him.
Good luck op, pull up your big girl pants and go get 'em!

A year on I was divorced, financially independent, in a new relationship. After 15 years of unhappy marriage I am very, very happy.

This was reassuring to read. There are a lot of positives here. Thank you for sharing.
My DH of 15 years is awful and has narcissistic traits which have worsened over the years. He will not get anger management. He will not come to relationship counselling. I have been miserable for years.
We are not divorced but we will be. One day.
No my situation hasn't improved much in a year. But what has helped me get through life is accepting that I no longer love DH and that I will leave him at some point. Knowing this alone makes me feel stronger.
In the meantime, even though I don't like him, (and I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me, or many people, since he's a narcissist), and despite what I've just wrote, we are making an effort to be pleasant in front of DC. (We do still talk and have normal conversations at times, on his terms usually, about his topics).
I am also finding some independence financially and emotionally by working when I can, secretly saving money each month, and taking up hobbies like dancing.
Some very morbid thoughts of suicide go through my head at times 'because that would be easier than the misery and torture he'll put me through otherwise', which I know is not the answer.
I am already paving a positive path for my new life, and so as DC grows, leaving DH will not be as hard financially (for me) and emotionally (for DC).
That said, how anyone could think this relationship is a normal one I don't know, so by the time DC is ready I think DH will be glad I've gone.
Thanks for reading.

I am one year on. It is terrifying and challenging but more honest than being in a failing relationship which ultimately brings out the worst in both people. I am getting stronger and more assertive and kinder to myself.

On the subject of quotes, my favourite after my breakup was Wilde's 'what seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise'.

I'm years on now and it was the making of me. I can't deny it was hard, I had a lot of depression and resentment that lingered but I've become a totally different person and one that I like an awful lot more.

I know that I'm strong and I'm worthy. I've learnt to let go a bit and be more patient with myself instead of constantly picking at my faults. I became happy and content in my own company. Developed my own interests, hobbies and friends. Two years ago I met someone unexpectedly that shows me every day how much they appreciate me and is always in my corner with their love and support.

Things are amicable now with ex and we co-parent well together, sometimes even have a couple of drinks together. We do better as friends now than we did at the end of our relationship.

It will all work out op, keep that trust

Waxing - totally inspiring and reassuring. Thanks.

I would just like to say that sometimes these things happen and they seem like absolutely shit things to happen. you look and think, well thats it! What can I have positive to look forward to? I promise you that this crap run that you are going through at the moment has to stop somewhere!
It will, and when it does, you will have some really positive things happen to you!

For what its worth, this time last year I was on my arse, we didnt have money for the essentials, I was upto my eyeballs in debt, My husband and I couldnt look at eachother. I actually felt that the only way that I could be happy was if i escaped our marriage and went about life on my own. I had severe anxiety and I was in a complete rut.

Things got to a point where I started to seriously think about how I could leave. i started working. I also learnt to drive so i could take back the car I was paying for that my partner was driving about in. I passed my test in September, he told me he was leaving in october, he decided he wasnt leaving, but finally left in November, less than a week later i was given notice to leave the house i lived in. At that point I was on the brink of losing my car because id missed a payment. I spent my birthday on my own. I didnt even get a card. I wasnt sure where I would live in December. I didnt have any money to buy DD xmas and birthday presents.

We are now 4 months into this year, Ive a new home, which is nicer than the old one. DP has come back, and he treats me better. My car is not being taken, and I am taking Dd on holiday very soon. things do have a way of working themselves out.... they often take their time!

keep faith!

Place marking. Lots of inspiration here thank you all

Time is a great healer. Such an old cliche but true. You'll be in a completely different place a year on and whilst it may not be exactly where you want to be, in my experience, it's better, happier and more fulfilling existance.

Waxing's comments resonate strongly - this period has the potential for real growth, an opportunity to reflect and become the person you want to be; an opportunity to work on yourself and for yourself.

Some really moving tales here. Thank you for sharing.

My DC stayed at ex's temp new place last night and tonight having not had him at all for a couple of weeks and I'm really missing DC as a result. Drank too much last night to drown out the missing him feeling and late for work as a result.

But the sun is shining and I'm not starting the day with a huge row so that's a start!

Sound thinking. Even when you're finding it tough, you can still beauty in your world. 💪