Hi all!
Having a really rough time so please my loves, be gentle!
Just wanted some advice really, I've recently come to an agreement with my partner (well, ex now.) that we should separate and at the mo he's being pretty understanding. All fab, no issues there.
It's been a really rough relationship from the off, we have two children, 3yo boy and 1yo girl. Ex was physical with me when pregnant with my daughter. Drank like a fish and was always aggressive and verbally abusive when drinking, in front of whoever happened to be there. There have been several instances where I'm sure he's cheated, but he's never attested to these. I'm trusting my gut with that and it's never usually wrong. Things like getting a Facebook audio message from a woman, claiming he didn't know her, deleting message before I could hear, then a day later getting a text message from the same woman (saying merry xmas by the way, Christmas Day was the worrrst day to have that argument.)
He's constantly choosing his family over ours, he left me alone with the kids on my birthday to go to his sisters party, left me alone a week after our daughter was born prem to party with his family. So I'm hoping by that waffle marathon, you guys get the picture.
I've recently been diagnosed with anxiety and depression and am fairly certain the past few years with him have gotten me to this point. I'm trying to heal by meditation, gym etc which has been great. Hated medicating.
What I'm asking is why now am I feeling guilty, terrified for the future and not wanting him to move out?
I know and recognise all the awful things he's done to me and our children, but I am so nervous and don't know wether I'm doing the right thing.
Financially I'm worried too, I can't work with two so small around nursery etc so I'd be relying on benefits and I'm terrified I'll have to move out.
I hope that all made sense, aaahg help!