Every time DS goes to his dad's for a week he comes back with severe constipation and a urine infection...

[throwingpebbles]

I just don't know what to do!
He enjoys time with his dad, goes every other weekend and one night in the week.
But every time he goes to his dad for a week he comes back with severe constipation (says he didn't poo at all while there) and a urine infection.

I messaged dad after last time saying it had happened yet again and could he remind DS to go/make sure he is comfortabek / encourage him to drink lots. But just had an angry and defensive reply saying Ds goes twice a day at his and he will take photos in future

Just don't know what I do next? Tell GP (but how to discuss with Ds (6) there?). Try to raise again with exH? (But he won't listen)?

So have you actually seen a GP?

How often does he go to his dad's? What has the GP said already (I assume you've been for antibiotics?) Could it be that he's not drinking enough while there?

Yes we go to Dr. But obviously I gloss over bit that he was at his dad's as don't want DS to pick up on that.

Sorry, just seen how often he goes. Does the UTI/ constipation ever clear up if he is going that often, could the problem be chronic?

Sounds like he eats crap and drinks pop at dad's then?
Tell him yeah photos would be a good idea for when he has to see the doctor. ..

What has the GP suggested is the reason for the recurrent UTI's?

It's only a problem when he goes for a week. Shorter periods he is obviously with me either side. As soon as he gets back those times he normally does a big poo at mine that evening (sorry, tmi )

For the well being of your child you should not be glossing over anything

Could you request a phone appt with the gp?

I think you need to tell the GP about the correlation.

Having said that, how often has it happened?

I think the Uti is just linked to the constipation, it doesn't occur seperately. We often end up seeing OOH GP rather than our local one due to times of holiday handovers (like bank holidays )

Sounds like your ds is nervous?

Well there is his mental well being too debtfree. I feel like I need to discuss with GP without him present perhaps.

How old is your son?

How come his dad doesn't notice the constipation and the urine infection?

Sounds like he isn't drinking water while he is with his dad. I'd send him off with a big water bottle and tell your DS he needs to make sure he drinks the whole thing and ask his dad to refill it.

I'd see if you can email the GP to register the issue and ask if upping water is enough or if you need to be doing more.

Does he mean he only wees twice a day? Is he claiming he does two poos a day? Any chance there isn't easy access to a toilet or he has some reason not to use it? Is he giving him enough to drink?

I have no idea lweji ; although he tends to underplay medical things generally.

It can be emotional, that he is particular about where he goes. It's not uncommon. You could ask him if he prefers not to go at dads. It could be that there is no lock on the door, that someone lives there who makes him shy, all sorts of things.

It could also be that he eats crap there, and doesn't drink enough.

Maybe send him with a box of fibregel, weetabix, apricots, etc and tell Df that he has to eat everything in the bag while he is away. See if that helps?

Actually he did spot it one time and did take him to Dr that time. But he won't accept there is a pattern/that DS comes back like this each time (this is about the 4th or 5th holiday in a row)

There are two nice bathrooms at his dad's. But I tend to have to remind him/encourage him to go at home; and ensure he has peace while he goes. Like I say, I have tried messaging dad to ask him to do same, but just got a really aggressive respknse (I left because he was emotionally abusive)

Constipation, i get. Easy to eat badly and get bunged up.

But a uti? Every time? I don't see how that can happen. Recurrent uti's in boys are unusual and can indicate a more serious underlying problem. If you need to go to the gp eow for antibiotics surely someone has picked up on it?

I'd be going to the gp and outlining how often he is getting uti's. If he is getting the every time he visit his dad he must be permanently on ab's?

And not to jump to conclusions but uti's and toileting issues can indicate abuse. I would be looking to safeguard my child.

It's not EOW!! It's each week long holiday (so a handful of times a year)

I get your point about safeguarding. I think it is extremely unlikely that is the cause (far more likely that my boy just is quite sensitive and needs a lot of support to "go" - his diet is not great either due to food phobias)

However I guess if I can get a chat with GP without DS present then they can use their professional judgement to decide if they are concerned?

I have raised concerns about other elements of DH care (bad decisions in medical emergencies; hot temper) but I think the courts are presently leaning more towards seeing mum's who raise genuine concerns as "neurotic /obstructive" so it is a very hard corner to be in as a parent

It looks like you should have all these events recorded.
Could you get a report from the OOH doctor? Shouldn't they send the details to your surgery?
Do discuss it with your local GP.

You mentioned his mental wellbeing. Do you have specific concerns, or just a generic worry? Perhaps the GP could refer to a child psychologist too, at the very least for assessment.