How do I get over him?

[shailaa]

So a couple of months ago the father of my dd told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore and moved out- after many many years of being together. The relationship hasn't been a 'real' relationship since we had dd (10 months ago) I could see this coming a mile off, but now it's actually happened it hurts so much more than I ever imagined it would. There's no doubt in my mind that I still love him- he's my best friend, but he's told me clearly he doesn't want to work things out so where does that leave me? I find myself constantly checking my phone to see if I have a message from him and when someone does message me and it's not his name that pops up it upsets me, I feel like a teenage girl with a crush! We obviously have to keep in contact for the sake of dd and I've been stopping myself from calling/texting him unless it's about dd but I just can't get him out of my head. I suppose because there was no anger involved in the split I still look at him as my best friend, it's not the sort of break up where I want to stick a picture of his head to a dart board and fire darts at it I just can't stop thinking about how it used to be and the things he used to say, but I know I have to move on. What I want to do is down a bottle of wine, eat a whole tub of ice cream and blubber at a sad film- but that's probably not the wisest option with a teething dd who's up half the night- I'm open to any other suggestions though! Anyone else been in a similar situation and how did you move on with your life and leave the past behind you? Is it just a case of letting time heal? Any advice is much appreciated, thank you

Hi I didn't want to read and run, but don't have relevant experience to advise you. If you move your thread to the relationship board you will receive much wise, understanding words. Really sorry to hear you are struggling through this awful time

Don't drink any alcohol not even a sip. Drinking makes you do (well me do) really dumb things when you are emotional.
I actually put a big sticker on the house phone saying 'Do Not Call Him' so I wouldn't weaken and make a dick out of myself.
Sadly he will have decided long before he went that he was going to leave. It was just a matter of when.
I really feel for you but you need to stay strong for your baby and yourself.
Even though you are hurting make some shot term plans to go out.
Don't pick the phone up every time he calls even if it kills you.
And try and sound happy when he rings because he will ring eventually and there is nothing attractive about someone weeping miserably down a phone. Show the sod what he is missing out on.
Go out and make some new friends at toddler club. Things will pick up and you will feel better I promise.

There is no shortcut to healing sadly, some people get into another relationship quickly but I feel that just delays the grief.

It is a loss and understanding that you will feel very sad, emotional, anxious and maybe anger at some stage.
Also you may cycle backwards and forwards through the emotions hopefully with reduced intensity at each stage.
I think you have to look after yourself, good food, exercise, watching something you enjoy, going out and seeing people.
Also practice trying not to think about him for a period of time, don't check your phone for an hour and maybe start to increase the time.

I wish I knew how to fast forward through grief however!

I've been where you are with a baby and a six yr old! my advice is to only look at getting through each day , that's all u manage . However remember each day you get through is another day where you grow stronger ( you won't believe this but it is true) .
Also what really helped me was counselling , long term , it changed my life in fact, as I saw that I was valuable and learnt to love myself and be more assertive that enabled me to see out of the mess and plan a life .
You can and will do this and one day will leave him in your wake ! X