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My ex got married today

10 replies

VixterH · 13/11/2016 22:36

I feel that I may be further along in my relationship journey than many of you, but it still hurts.
I met my ex when I was 18 and he was 26, we became an inseparable pair when I was 19. I changed university courses to be closer to him, we moved in together and for 14 years we bearly spent a night apart.
We got married and had two children.
We celebrated our sons 5th birthday party (with all the family) and afterwards he announced to me he wasn't happy, had met someone at work ( who was 15 years younger than him) and was leaving me.
He never came back.

Fast forward 4 years and today he married her.

I've moved on in some respects - moved house, figured out what music I like (without having to compromise!), re-started my career, dated and tried to keep busy, but knowing the man I thought was going to be with me forever has married someone else....

It fucking hurts!

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 13/11/2016 22:38

If it helps second marriages stastics tend to fail and given the circumstance in which they got together. Did the dc attend?

jeaux90 · 13/11/2016 22:45

I don't think that's helpful underthemoon. And by the way it depends on which stats you read.

Look lovely OP it is hard to move on but really what you mourn is the thought of the perfect relationship which it wasn't because he turned out to be a bit of a nob.

Being a strong independant person, knowing yourself, being happy with that, being a good parent is what you know is the right thing. Sod him. You are way more important and it's good to know you are focussed on that. Big hug xxx (I am a single parent, 6 years and happy by the way it was hard the first couple of years but now I am super happy) xxx

Underthemoonlight · 13/11/2016 22:48

It's a fact don't think given that their circumstances of how they got together make them the perfect couple it's very easy to display a perfect life on social media. Don't blame yourself op it's natural to feel the way you do especially if this person is in your DS life

LadyCassandra · 13/11/2016 22:54

I don't have much experience with this other than my own DM, when my DF remarried. They had been divorced 4 years, she had been living with my (now) stepdad for 2, and was happily moved on.
We went to the wedding (I was around 12), came home and my lovely stepdad said "your mum's been struggling today". I know she didn't want my dad back, but it was hard.
It's tough, you were together a long time and you are grieving what could have been. Be kind to yourself Flowers

VixterH · 13/11/2016 23:04

LadyCassandra.. You've hit it on the head.
I don't want him back, but I spent a long time grieving for him. This was in many metaphiorical respects, the final nail.
Yes, our 2 children went to the wedding, but last weekend my 9 year old called me, sobbing and in tears because he knew I was alone and his daddy was getting married.
What can I say? I thought I had it under control, but my kids see through me more than I thought.

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 13/11/2016 23:08

Your own human OP Flowers

anxiousnow · 20/11/2016 22:14

It's hard OP. Bless your 9 yr old. So thoughtful SmileYour ex may well feel the same when you meet someone new.

Jr567673 · 29/11/2016 13:30

So sorry Hun, it can't be easy but would you be happy in a relationship that was based on lies and deceit? As PP said, the divorce rate for second marriages is about 60% so with any luck she'll find a younger model and he will have a taste of what it's like!

Secretsandlies222 · 30/11/2016 20:45

I hope his second marriage doesn't fail; not for his sake but for your kids'. Presumably your kids will go on to establish some sort of relationship with her, if they haven't already. So for them to have to experience another separation soon after will be destabilising for them, too, though I appreciate it won't be as devastating as with your separation.

Bettybecks12 · 01/12/2016 14:55

It depends which statistics you want to believe - the latest ones from the Marriage Foundation, which bases their insights on official stats says second marriages are less likely to end in divorce given you know what you're letting yourself in for and choose your partner more consciously - in theory.

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