Break up

[Bagpuss1971]

What makes a Woman suddenly change overnight? I was happily married and out of the blue she told me she was seeing someone else. I was devasted. Tried to work it out and she said she didn't want to and has carried on seeing this guy who is ten years younger. She is absolutely rubbing it in my face. Stays at his house all the time and wants me out of the house! She shows no class or compassion for the situation at all. It's like a spaceship took my lovely caring wife and replaced her with a horror that I don't recognise. I have started divorce proceedings as its out of hand. It's turned my life upside down in just a couple of weeks. Think divorce will be complicated too :-(

[gettingtherequickly]

My current DH was put in exactly the same situation by his ex wife.

He was devastated at the time, but you will get through it.

A couple of things to remember. You are no longer a priority to her, don't expect her to be kind. To justify her actions she may have demonised you in her mind.

If you have kids, please don't let them be involved in any way.

10 years on DH and I are very happy, we have a great life together, and his kids life with us and have regular contact with their mum.

[knaffedoff]

i am really sorry but long term, it's in your best interest to move on. You will meet someone else and life will get better.

If you have children, please try to keep things as normal as possible and get legal advise about your rights. Don't feel pressured to move out and sell up, it may feel like you will all benefit from the need to move onto the next chapter but providing stability and a roof on your head must be your focus.

Good luck

[Bagpuss1971]

Thank you. She earns more than me as I work shifts and bought up her kids whilst she travels the world with her job. I also had my own house before I moved in to her house which I rent out. She expects me to just go back to my house with no money changing hands as we have no kids together. She has become totally selfish. Not sure where I stand with it all being a man!

[IzzyIsBusy]

I dont think it has anything to do with being a man. You are married so the house is classed as a marital assest. Does not matter who owns it. Same as your house is a marital asset.

Any financial exchange will be sorted out via the divorce and agreements made with your solicitors.

[QuiteLikely5]

Move out. It's over. Then see a solicitor who will give you a good idea if you stand to gain anything by pursuing assets.

You won't be paying maintenance and even if she's a higher earner, she still has kids to pay for so that will be taken into account.

Good luck, you will get through this but you are prolonging your pain by refusing to leave the marital home.

[Bagpuss1971]

Easier said than done. We rented my house to her friend until next sept! She knew she was carrying on with this guy yes. It's correct that she has demonised me - that's absolutely what has happened. I'm going to stay put in the family home. Her Daughter has moved in with her Dad as she can't believe how she is acting. Looks like a mid life crisis to me but yes, I agree it's over. Divorce already started so hoping it all moves quickly

[gettingtherequickly]

You need to get legal advice as soon as possible, how old are your stepchildren? How long have you been together?

If DH and I ever split I'd be devastated about not seeing the kids anymore. (No right of access to stepchildren).

Just keep going, one day at a time, you will get through this.

[Bagpuss1971]

Step daughter is nearly 16 and lives with her Dad because of all this. Step son is 18 but already moved out. Legal side all going through now. Going to be a long 11
Months!

[Bagpuss1971]

Message for gettingtherequickly - thank you so much for your input and posting about it being easier to demonise me. I brought this up to her earlier and we had our first sensible chat since it all started. She admitted she had demonised me and shouldn't have and we are amicable for now. She even said she had made a mistake, although there is no way back for me, at least we aren't constantly arguing. Thank you!

[gettingtherequickly]

Glad to have been of some help, good luck for the future.

[Bagpuss1971]

Update to this, all a bit odd! Met my Wife yesterday for a chat and went ok. She indicated although didn't directly say she is having 2nd thoughts. She mentioned that I didn't ask her to reconsider her decision and I seem happy and seem to have moved all all too quickly (odd as she has been having the affair). I absolutely tried to changes her mind for 5 weeks then gave up. I went out with a girl on Saturday but only for drinks, nothing romantic and she has got wind of that. Is the girl the reason for her doubts, ie she doesn't want me but doesn't want anyone else to either.