Spousal support

[scrappy45]

Hi, 4 weeks ago my dh announced he didn't love me anymore and he was going to leave. Took til yesterday to actually go and it's kind of a relief now he has. Last Sunday he gave me a spreadsheet with calculations of what he thought was fair financially - he will pay child support but nothing to me because I have a job. I work part time and term time only to be there for our two kids. DS has a mild disability (read plenty of appointments) and DD has been suffering with ED and mental health issues for 3 years and in and out of hospital for two. I reduced my hours further in November to fit in with extra demands her care called for. My employer has been incredibly tolerant and while dh has been to some appointments I would say that I have done 90% and majority of childcare for 16 years. He earns 5 x what I do now but when I got pregnant and gave up work we were pretty much equal. He's asking me not to sort finances through solicitors but to come back with my suggestion if I don't accept it but I have no idea what to say. He's also saying he won't divorce me now, I wanted him to start it because, well he started this! I had no idea and he said I was naive if I didn't. Don't want to "screw him for whatever he's got" but do want what I'm due for me and kids. What should I ask for?

I would say do the same as him. Work it through systematically. How much is rent? Food? Clothes? Fun? He should be payong more than half as he earns so much more. He should be contributing towards the rent / mortgage as its housing the kids.

Work on him covering 3/4's of the kids costs - which includes rent, electricity etc then compare it to what he is suggesting.

How does it measure up?

How often will he have the kids for tea, overnight, holiday etc?

Oh and i'd add some for "child care" so what os the dofference in your salary now to if you worked full time? Halve that and add it on

Do you have assets house, pensions and cash? How are they being split? His pension may be very valuable so don't under estimate that. I would get legal advice I am always suspicious that don't use a solicitor is to avoid you getting what is fair.

Did you know that even when child maintenance has been agreed and signed off in a Consent Order by a judge, it is the one part of the order that after 12 months either party can reduce it to the CMS calculation?

If you didn't know that, you need a solicitor.

If you did know that, then you'll already know why a solicitor is important.

Come on lovey - why would you not see a solicitor over something so important?

Always get as much of your settlement in clean break hard cash / assets as possible. This guards you against him being an arsehole. Or if he's actually Mr Ethics, it guards you against him earning less in future.

Fine to have all your discussions between yourselves and not be antagonistic - I actually did that. But you should see a solicitor to make sure you're not making bad decisions.

Go see a solicitor and find out precisely what your entitled too, and then file for divorce. In the meantime photocopy any wage slips, seperate bank and savings accounts, your dh is trying to pull the wool over your eyes.

Thanks all, I will go to solicitor and also seen CAB. Family and friends being incredibly supportive so i know it will be alright in the end but it's overwhelming at mo.