Not married but joint house and mortgage - should I get half?

[Taintedlady123]

Me and my stbxp are splitting up which is a massive blessing in disguise. We have 1 child and he's already agreed that she will live with me (and he would have contact EO weekend when he has his son from his last relationship), I've always been her main carer and he often works away.

He put the initial deposit down to buy our house and has paid most of the mortgage. I earn considerably less so I have contributed towards other bills, food, childcare etc. We own the house 50:50 however he believes he should get his initial deposit back in full when sold. If I got my full 50% equity it would enable me to buy a small house in the area where we currently live, close to our daughter's school and friends. He is already in a fortunate position to buy something much easier than me due to savings and higher income. However when I've explained this he's calling me a 'gold digging b*tch' etc. Oh yes he's been emotionally abusive and controlling throughout our relationship. He's also telling me he's going to be as awkward as possible in order to drive up my legal bill. I'm not sure whether I should just give in and agree for him to have his deposit back to make this break up smoother, or to fight for a better life for myself and my DD. We are still living in our house for the time being, however we can move to my parents if things get unbearable, although that would be a massive pain due to distance from school and work.

How can he charge her rent? She owns the house too.

Best thing I can suggest is to lisyen to your solicitor as they will know all your individual circumstances and your rights. If they are saying you can get the full 50% you would be stupid to not go for that. There are lots of men out there not paying what it really costs to keep their kids and you would be wise to protect yourself in case he is one of them, esp as he is self employed and you won't ever be able to get child maintenance directly from his employer if he decides to withold payment.

How can he charge her rent? She owns the house too.

She is using that asset and has full access to it. He doesn't.

In cases where one side wants to stay in the home, unless the partner or spouse is a very high earner they are not expected to continue to pay for that house.

The court sees that they will have costs associated with having to rent or buy other accommodation.

it is not always good to get a Mesher order (staying in the house until the kids are 18).

If you have teenagers great, if you have young children it is better to split the assets and move on (you may be too old to get a mortgage by the time you need to hand the house back).

And you will only get a Mesher order if it is proven that he can house himself at a similar standard without requiring to sell the house.

The deposit was around £30k. I took a year off when we had our DD, in fact I was made redundant on mat leave and I ploughed all of my pay out into our house as we were renovating it at the time. I then found a new job luckily so returned to work when she was 18 months old.

I know he will be difficult and mess me around with CM as I've seen him do it to his ex. When they split they were living in his house which was solely in his name so she didn't get a penny from the house. Luckily they abolished self-cert mortgages so he had no choice but to include me on the mortgage and deeds so I'm in a better position than she was.

He's very motivated by money and doesn't see my contribution to our family as valuable has his is, although I do everything for our DD (school runs, baths, hobbies, presents etc). I've contributed financially approx £1000 a month as I buy all the food, car payments, holidays, childcare etc. He pays the mortgage and most bills.

I'm not looking to stay in our house, it's too big for the two of us. I want it sold and both be in a position to move on with our lives.

Oh, and we're currently still 'living together', although in seperate rooms. He refuses to leave and as our DD is at the school we're trying to muddle on. It's not good though, he has a ferocious temper and I hate DD being exposed to that.

£15,000 is not much for him but it may cover a couple of years of mortgage payments in a smaller house.

I would fight to keep that part of the deposit, but keep an eye on your legal fees as they can easily reach that amount if he refuses to cooperate.

Can you buy the kind of house you want without those £15,000? Just asking as if so, it would save you a lot of grief.

Just saw that he is self employed/LTD company. Does he owns it? That throws a spanner in the works.

OP, if you know him to be mean and abusive... It may be a good idea to let go of that money. I'm pretty sure you can get that money at court but, there is also the emotional cost to consider.

Keep in mind that the most important thing to protect when an important relationship breaks up is not the money, the house or the assets, but your heart. You need to come out of it with the heart in one piece and still able to trust, as you need that to be able to be a good mum, a good friend and in time, a good partner again.

But then, £15,000 can make a big difference when it comes to getting a more affordable mortgage (LTV ratio and all that).

So it is all a very difficult decision.

I'd fight for it as you think he's going to be difficult about cm anyway, so get what you can. Are there any records of what he's paid by his own Ltd Co? Get copies of as much financial info as you can inc bank statements. You never know what might be useful later on.

Don't bother, copies of records are for your own information only, as you cannot present them in court if he had not authorised you to have access to them.

Problem with having his own LTD company is that he can pay himself a big chunk of his salary in kind (putting house car costs, divert part of salary to new partners, etc) and present the meagre reminder as his salary for calculation of cm or his accommodation needs.

Very costly and almost impossible to prove when the person is a resourceful, money motivated company owner, more so if he is already showing not much concern for the needs of his child.