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Trapped. (First time on mums et)

12 replies

Wendywoo71 · 03/05/2016 07:54

Any advice would be fab!! I'm a tad stuck in a situation. To cut a very long story short. I left husband with 2 kids, last year. Husband long term cocaine addiction, mental health issues, behaviour was becoming crazy, effecting kids, causing money issues. He tried to kill himself twice. He has borderline personality disorder and adhd, but the addiction makes it all worse. My mother in law took us in on a temporary basis. A year on he's now under the same roof. Due to financial issues. Not ideal!! Very little change in his wellbeing other than he's hanging on to his job. I thought he might have improved having hit rock bottom but no. I hate the situation. He's a bully, we hardly speak. He doesn't give me money towards the costs of kids. Car anything else. It's not good for the kids having parents who do not speak. He's disrespectful to me. Emotionally abusive. Unprovoked. He demands money from me. He gets paid has nothing two days later. We both earn ok salaries. But his is didn't in 'other things'. I could write a book about his manipulative behaviour that comes with addiction!!

I was unable to get another private tenancy due to existing outstanding debt with our landlord but that is almost paid. He was a good lsnlird we had s good 8 years with him.

Problem; estate agents (most) don't seem to take deposit bonds offered by housing. Rents are very high in my area. There are no council properties. Also, I can't afford fill private rent in my own salary, I'm and it's not guaranteed what you get as 'help' I'd housing benefit. Also, a lot of agents don't seem to accept anyone who is getting support.

I work full time. I'm trying to get a pay rise. I'm not sure my husband will help me financially when / if I ever am able to move out.

I feel a bit trapped. Lost my home. I share s room with the kids. Which is fine. But not ideal long term.

Sorry long post!!!! Help!?

OP posts:
SortingStuffStill · 03/05/2016 09:44

Am not an expert but wanted to offer my support as had loads on here myself.
I'd say with kids you'd be priority housing or at least get HB and some other venefits on top of your income. Have you looked at entitledto website yet? Good luck. Sounds very difficult.

Pisssssedofff · 03/05/2016 13:12

Look at open rent and gumtree for private rentals. Keep quiet about housing benefit it's nobody's business how you pay the rent as long as you do. I had to play the game a bit and went and got a job so I had two months wage slips to show them and then resigned once I had the keys. Two months of hell but we are in now and settled.

Pisssssedofff · 03/05/2016 13:14

I see you are working sorry. You just have to save up that first month in advance and deposit. I managed to even on income support. It's not pretty but it has to be done

Wendywoo71 · 03/05/2016 17:30

Thank you. I'm trying to save. It's not easy as husband gives me nothing and need to pay off previous landlord. But will look at open rent and pursue the housing. I just want peace :(

OP posts:
Wendywoo71 · 03/05/2016 17:33

I'm in that position where I'm not entitled to that much with working.But will get something. It's tough! Can you get Guaranteed amount from housing? My husband needs to start coughing up. Thanks!!!

OP posts:
FetchezLaVache · 03/05/2016 17:41

I might be talking shit here, but if you're under the same roof am I right in thinking you couldn't get the CSA involved? So if you moved out, fuck him not helping you out- he'd have to, by law?

You say he demands money from you. You don't give him it, do you??

Pisssssedofff · 03/05/2016 18:44

My thoughts exactly, you should already be claiming maintaince

Wendywoo71 · 06/05/2016 20:07

Sorry not looked at this for days! I have in the past give him money, way too much. I've learnt the hard way. I've been a fool. His addiction, mental health can make him relentless in pestering, manipulating. I'm changing. I'm getting stronger at realising there's going to be no miracle change any time soon.

OP posts:
Pisssssedofff · 06/05/2016 20:32

I would even say don't pay the previous land lord until you've saved the deposit. They can wait you need your own space ASAP

Wendywoo71 · 06/05/2016 21:07

Well I'm leaving him to pay that. I've paid quite a bit of it. Ill need a reference from him though . It's never ending:(

OP posts:
Wendywoo71 · 06/05/2016 21:08

I so need own Soace though!!!

OP posts:
Pisssssedofff · 06/05/2016 21:10

I'll write you a reference ;-) .... You need to start thinking outside the box here, it's getting you nowhere playing square.

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