What do you think of this financial settlement proposal?

[MsFrazzles]

My husband and I are separating at the moment and trying to come to a financial settlement through a mediator.

Our only asset is our house (around 220K equity) but we also have a large mortgage and I cannot afford to pay anywhere near the £1200 monthly payment (I work part-time and look after our 2-year-old daughter), so it looks like we'll be selling. I'm hoping to take ALL the equity which I know is quite unusual(?) but that will enable me to buy a smaller flat for me and my daughter, with a small mortgage that I can just about afford (~£400PCM).

I'm prepared to waive future maintenance (other than CM at CMS rate) for a clean break if ExH will agree to this. We live in an area with very high rents (£1K+ for a 2-bed) so if I couldn't buy I would need to claim a large amount of spousal maintenance from him in order to pay rent on a flat.

He is bitter about this because he has paid a lot more into the mortgage than me over the 6 years we've been married and understandably doesn't want to lose all that equity. On the other hand he wants to buy again eventually and doing it this way will mean he has a lot more of his income left to save, rather than paying rent/mortgage for me.

I haven't chance to see my solicitor before our next appointment, so wonder how this looks to people with more expertise than me? Does it seem fair or would a judge never agree to it?

His salary is £50K; my PT salary is £20K. His pension CETV is around £10K more than mine.

Thank you all. Traviata, that's exactly my logic in coming to my proposal.

iwantavuvezela - I suspect this is what we may be able to reach a compromise on.

I've seen a solicitor twice already, but this was earlier on in the process and at that point I was still clawing at any possibility of staying in the marital home so haven't got as far as exploring other options with her. I've now reluctantly accepted that isn't a possibility and unfortunately our next mediation session is planned for before I can next make a solicitor's appointment. I'll certainly go and see her afterwards and discuss my next steps.

My father might be able to help we with a few thousand towards a deposit (we've looked into buying jointly but he is quite elderly so cannot take a long-enough mortgage), and I am looking at flats without gardens in slightly cheaper areas of town, although to be honest we are already in the least-nice area. This isn't me being spoilt - I'm originally from the NE and could have a much better quality of life up there but I do want our daughter to spend time with her father and her other grandparents as she grows up. I'm also lucky that my job, while not that well-paid for London, is fairly flexible and to be honest is keeping me sane by being challenging and interesting. I don't have a problem with working more hours, but I would need to find a second job to do so, and be sure the finances stacked up. I do also receive TCs.

For info, the marriage was 6 years but we'd been together for 7 years before that.

I'm aware that the fault - or lack of - has no bearing on the settlement, but I thought it would put my feelings in context so I wouldn't get ripped to pieces for 'wanting my cake and eating it'! I'm not the one that walked away, and I want to avoid getting financially screwed as well as maritally.

Thanks all. Food for thought.

Absolute rubbish, I have real life advice of the UK court system, I wish I did not. The decisions are based on needs of the partners and needs of the children. The proposal does not cover the needs of both partners at all, only one of them, leaving the other with ZERO.

I'm sorry lifeisunjust, but it does cover both our needs - ie. a 2-bed flat each to live in where our DD can spend time with both of us. The fact his would be rented and mine owned/mortgaged is admittedly not fair, but he cannot argue that his needs would not be met.

If he takes enough equity to buy somewhere, then I'll be left renting. So the exact parallel situation. No more or less fair.

With my proposal he also would not be left with zero - he would be left with MUCH more disposable income than me, as well as a larger pension pot (both current and future) and no responsibility for childcare going forward, therefore taking no hit on his earning potential.

I'm not saying I'm right or fair, but just explaining that in a lot of ways my ex would be much better off than me.

I wouldn't accept a divorces settlement where on could buy and other could not particularly ilf the one getting the ability to buy also gets the child living with them too - that seems to be lose all round for the husband. If you took £110k each of equity and each borrowed £100k could you both find a fairly small bed sit to buy? Your father could go on your mortgage as a guarantor and you could get a full time job. You'd probably each have to split child care costs half each but that might suit your husband better and be more likely to be accepted.

why on earth should you get all the equity to buy yourself a new property and he gets nothing ?

I wouldn't accept a divorces settlement where on could buy and other could not particularly ilf the one getting the ability to buy also gets the child living with them too - that seems to be lose all round for the husband

It's not unusual though, they look at the best interests of the children. Dh's ex kicked him out to move om in. Court said she had to pay dh 25k of the £200k equity, as it was all she could afford, any more would mean selling the house and that was detrimental to the children. Dh was living with his parents, so the court said he was housed and had no pressing need for money to rent or buy.

things to think about

Moving to a cheaper area.
Moving closer to work and reducing travel costs.

If you both work full time I think 50% of childcare cost should be his so you could argue that into the settlement.

Working full time now whilst not offering great financial boost now might mean you reap the rewards when DC goes to school.

Oh yes you mentioned pensions, another reason to consider full time work

Split childcare costs 50/50. In a few years she will be at school and they will be reduced.

Could you have a lodger to cover some of the mortgage costs?

OP, ignore everything on this thread apart from people like BabyBarrister & Traviata who advised you to get your own legal advice.

What other posters think is fair or otherwise has no bearing on your own, individual circumstances.
A solicitor can advise you on what is best for you, and what sort of settlement you can reasonably expect.

Whether your ex husband thinks it's fair or not is not important to you - it's up to his solicitor to act in his interests, not you or your solicitor.

i don't understand why you would go to a meeting like this without seeing your solicitor!! If the date of the meeting doesn't suit you, because you haven't the chance to take proper advice, change it. This is super super important to get right!

I think all people are doing on this thread is trying to use their own experiences to prepare the OP that she may not get what she wants and to maybe face up to that, while trying to get the best possible outcome for herself.

£50k is not actually a huge monthly income - around £ 3,000 before any pension or child maintenance. Op has indicated it's a high cost rent area so how he is going to pay rent, live and save for deposit etc? Might not be as simple as first thought. How much will you have each month inc any tax credits and other benefits inc maintenance etc and no or small mortgage? I'm not expecting you to answer here just food for thought.

How often will ex have his daughter? Can he take bigger share in child care?

Has your solicitor given you guidance on what they believe is a realistic fair outcome?

I'm not clear why you would get spousal maintenance.

I know it's been said before but you do need legal advice as every case is different. It may be that you can get 100% equity. I was awarded 90% equity and a generous pension share in my divorce because we had been married 25 years and he earned more than 3 x my income. And when he left, our youngest was 18 and had just gone to Uni so strictly speaking no dependent children.

When my SIL divorced, London commute area with similar differences in salaries to OP, 3 school age DC and similar equity to OP it was a 70:30 split.

As has been said you need legal advice. No one can tell you what your outcome will be.