I sought advice from a solicitor when planning how to separate from husband. I have nothing in pension (paid into for a year, but nothing there, so she said exclude); we have a house and that's pretty much it. I work (always have, always paid all the bills); he doesn't (hasn't mostly for the last 15 years, since moving in to house - he's done occasional work as self employed but never shared what he's earned or contributed to bills/childcare I've incurred to let him do that); he has been stay at home parent in that he's picked up/dropped children off at school/preschool and looked after them - he's not played with them/taken them out lots/been engaging and he's not looked after the house/shopping/planning what to eat, I've still done all that.
Children are 9 and 4; hubby is 40 and I'm thereabouts (!). He's just starting a business but again had no plans to bring money into the house, just to support himself.
So, my plan (after the legal advice) was to get house valued, deduct shared debt and remaining mortgage and then work out what amount there is in equity to split and how to split it. She advised 50/50 would be the most I'd have to give him and advised I start at 60/40 (my favour) as I will still have children, child care costs, capital repayments etc; she advised we then get a deed of separation to 'finalise' financial arrangements and then divorce after 2 years. She warned that, during this time, if either won the lottery or parents died, the other would be entitled to half.
She also warned me he may try to go for custody/ claim to be residential parent and then claim both child and spousal maintenance. I didn't think he would and he hasn't.
So, now we're in a position where I'm remortgaging, we're getting house valued, I've explained the plan - he wants as much as he can (given that he has no credit rating and won't be walking away with enough to buy a house outright and hasn't got income to demonstrate being able to pay a mortgage) and I want what's fair for me (given that he's unlikely to pay my childcare costs - which will go up - or any maintenance for the children).
However, I don't want to 'screw him over' - he is starting from scratch although he will take what he needs from the house and I will replace (don't think it's fair he goes to an rented, unfurnished house with nothing and I stay here with everything) and ultimately I want him to have a place where our children can eventually go and stay with him.
BUT I've recently been reading threads about quicker divorces, consent orders where judges can decide our settlement isn't enough (for him). And I'm worried. There's nothing apart from him that's stopped him from earning - but he doesn't earn anything. I don't want to pay him maintenance. I'm going to be doubling my mortgage payments and picking up more childcare costs - I don't think it's right that he gets any spousal maintenance from me.
I was planning to still go ahead with deed of separation (this happened very quickly for him and I think it'd be psychologically better than a quick divorce) and assume I don't need a consent order - do I need to go and get better/more advice?
Not sure if this is relevant, but he told me last night he is intending re-registering for child benefits (he had to stop when I had a promotion - I put the child benefit in his name as he would get an NI contribution from it, which he's never paid into) - even though he won't be having the children for more than ad hoc stays, certainly in the first year or 2 (his choice due to him throwing his energy into the business). I guess that's not my business - unless it's likely to have someone say 'hang on, this poor guy should be getting maintenance' - OR, worse, hang on, they should be living with their dad (which they don't want to; he doesn't want full time and I don't want).