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Divorce/separation

breach of a child arrangements order - has anyone gone back to court?

37 replies

bella1968 · 24/03/2016 12:25

I'm recently divorced and had a CAO in place since September last year. It's not easy as exh insults me to the children and calls me names whether they object or not he says they have to know what I'm like! Anyway the order states 7 days each handover Friday after school or by 4.30 in school holidays. Next week, the first week of the children's Easter holidays they are with him, on the Saturday 2nd April we go to my parents for our holidays and return on the Friday 8th. He has sent an email saying I must have them with him at 4.30 as they need to be on the road. He knows already that I have booked to travel back from Wales that day, I have told him we are leaving early that morning and should be back in time however if the trains delay us the children will let him know. He's gone off the handle saying it is incumbent on me to have them with him at 4.30 as per the court order . Thing is he is taking them to Jersey, flying probably that night as he's said he needs to be on the road and then they will have to fly back Sunday as the children are in school on the Monday. Why on earth he's not doing this during their week on holidays but instead waiting until the weekend when we come back I don't know, I've already booked the train there's not much I can do.

It doesn't stop me worrying though and if we are delayed and not back on time, causing him to miss the flight, will he take me back to court? I believe he's just trying to cause a stir, we will have been travelling all day, flying to Jersey that night won't be fun for them they will be tired from the day and the holiday!

Any comments/advice/chat would be appreciated. I'd like to know anyone else's story of dealing with a difficult ex and having a child arrangements order in place and how that works for them if you're willing to share that is Smile

OP posts:
lateforeverything · 27/03/2016 21:08

Tbh I don't really understand fourormore's stance either but don't want to hijack your thread with an argument, especially on Easter Sunday Easter Blush

I personally don't subscribe to the view that both sides contribute to conflicts and that you have to accept your part in that in order to move on... Some people are plain unreasonable. Full stop. Don't become a doormat OP. Just saying Smile

bella1968 · 28/03/2016 00:18

thanks late, I'm trying not to become a doormat but it's hard because for my children to have peace that's what it takes it seems but that's why I stuck it out and refused to give him their school uniform because he should have some at his house after the social worker wrote us both a letter suggesting that we both have sufficient of everything for both of them at each house! he doesn't play fair but I shouldn't expect him to really, that's why I got rid of him! I shouldn't expect him to think of his children first in all of this, that would be just too much for him.

I didn't really want to moan, I really wanted to hear about other people's trials and tribulations, what are other people's stories and how do they manage things emotionally and organisationally.

OP posts:
Fourormore · 28/03/2016 08:13

I'm sorry that what I've said isn't what you wanted to hear. Like you said, you asked for how people manage things emotionally and organisationally and what I've written is how I manage it. I've "lost" two days of holiday this year because my DH's ex "can't be flexible". I could sit and moan about her, staying stuck in the animosity which is harmful to the children or I can look at it from a different angle - that we have a duty to have the children back at a certain time and that the conflict that would arise from being late isn't good for the children. I'm not a doormat at all. Sticking to a court order isn't being a doormat, it's being an adult. We also make sure that she complies with the court order and when she hasn't, it has been returned to court. We can't do flexibility because where we offer an inch, she takes a mile.

Still, if what I say doesn't work for you, you're can just ignore it.

bella1968 · 28/03/2016 12:06

no Fourormore that's not what I'm saying, I guess you're right, it's not what I wanted to hear if I'm honest, it's good to hear all sides, especially a males on the other side which I didn't realise until you just put "her". It feels like being a doormat because he plays a game and he knows how to play it, trying to control me and then moaning at me that it's all my fault, sets me up for a fall all the time, manipulating me using the children, the children even realise what he's doing.

Anyway you are right, I shouldn't sit and moan, I should play by the rules and do whatever I can to do this whatever sacrifices I have to make because yes, it is for the children which are my first priority. At this stage I shouldn't expect anything else from him and I'm not willing to play his game. I will get the children to him by 4.30 come rain or shine, I'm not willing to create a scene which is what he did on Friday by sticking his foot in the door so I had to call the police to remove him but somehow he will come out shining, you wait when the children come home to me on Friday I'll get all the agro that he's been giving them, all the moans that he's moaned to them about me, it really is horrid for the children and there's no way to stop him!

Anyway happy, happy, happy, looking forward to a holiday and having fun, I won't let the return journey get me down and keep my fingers crossed that the trains are all on time and that there's no delays! let's hope we don't have the winds that we do here in London then that we have now!?

I do have one question though Fourormore, what would you do if your ex asks you if she can take the children away for 2 weeks in my situation and she witholds the children's passports from you and won't let you take them away for more than you are court ordered? would you say yes? because it'll be for the children or would you say no and hope your children understand. I don't know how old your children are but my nearly 13 year olds won't forgive me if I say no! that is unless one of those weeks is taking time off school which it may well be.

I'd appreciate your answer. thanks.

OP posts:
Fourormore · 28/03/2016 12:18

I'm not male, I was talking about my DH's ex.

If your ex doesn't have permission in the court order to go away for two weeks then no I wouldn't allow it and we would and have taken DHs ex back to court for similar re withholding passports and so on.

I know what you mean about him creating scenes and giving the kids aggro. We have that with DHs ex too and it's heartbreaking and exhausting to keep up doing the damage every week. There isn't an answer to that one really other than, as you say, not sinking to his level so that the children have at least one healthy parent as a role model.

I hope you enjoy your holiday Smile

bella1968 · 28/03/2016 13:30

oops sorry Fourormore my mistake, I've reread now Blush

Problem is it costs to go back to court, how do you avoid that? plus don't you have to go to mediation first? or doesn't that apply when you are applying for a specific issue order?

OP posts:
Fourormore · 28/03/2016 13:56

It cost £215, yes, but it was an emergency hearing which doesn't have the mediation requirement.

bella1968 · 28/03/2016 19:14

yes, thought so, so it would have to be a very good reason as I still owe £10,000 to my solicitor from the three courts proceedings! Sad

OP posts:
bella1968 · 12/04/2016 10:50

Hi all, just thought I'd let you know that the children got back to their father by 4pm Friday. Of course, he had to try to ruin our leaving my Mom and Dad's in the morning by calling my daughter asking for the train times saying that he was letting the police know in case we weren't back for 4.30pm! which totally stressed out my poor daughter but we all tried not to let it affect us and had a good journey in spite of him!

Unfortunately I had to call the police out on the Friday 1 April as he stuck his foot in the door and wouldn't remove it until I gave him the school jumper and skirt that I have for my daughter! incidentally, I called the school yesterday and found out that he had organised with the school for them to give her a temporary jumper and skirt so that he didn't have to buy her one!!!! meaning that on Monday I shall put her in the clothes that I have at my house and then she will go to him on the Friday, thereby giving him school uniform for her!!!! can't believe that he won't even buy her what she needs, can't believe that he doesn't care about her to make sure she has everything that she needs rather her having to go to school in borrowed uniform!!!! he's such a flake! says he wants to look after them, doesn't buy them what they need and then moans at me saying that I can't look after them!!!! crazy Confused

sorry to moan, at least now I've cut all communication off with him so I don't have to read his moans anymore but unfortunately he'll still moan to the children! I am trying to encourage them to be strong against him and learn how to cope with him but really feel for them.

Fourormore I'd appreciate chatting to you some more as you seem like you have your head screwed on and I'd like to mull something over with you if you have the time?

OP posts:
Fourormore · 12/04/2016 13:03

Sounds terrible, Bella. You can PM me by all means Smile

kittybiscuits · 28/04/2016 18:22

You have started the thread because of the concern that you might not get them back on time.

if we came back any day like Thursday it would be the same situation as it takes that long to get back from Anglesey

No it wouldn't be the same because it wouldn't matter if you were late back on the Thursday. He is clearly very difficult but you are walking into a conflict and not doing anything to avert it.

kittybiscuits · 28/04/2016 18:25

Oh I missed the update. Glad you got back on time. I would try not to let him succeed in turning everything into a battle with this prick

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