Thank you so much for your answer! I have been sitting here all night waiting for someone to respond because this is a very difficult situation for me and my son.
The arrangement had been one week to me, one week to his father for 5 years now, since we were divorced. Since November, that his father was getting divrced from his third (now) ex wife, problems started at the household and our son started not wanting to go back there. When the ex wife moved out he moved in a new GF after three days, with a daughter that is 3 years old and that our son had never met before. Parallel to this story is that his father started being agressive and the boy started telling me that he screams at him and treats him badly. We discussed all together many times about the situation and his father always downplayed the situation, which made me also think (at the time) that our son MIGHT be overexaggerating due to new circumstances at his father home.
Last Monday our son ran away from his father's house and came to me. He hadnt slept all night crying in his bed and he peed twice there scared. He told me his father was telling him bad things about me all evening and making fun of me. This was after the hand over where I tried to point out to his father that the boy is very scared to be with him and he needs to start listening to him and we should all find a common solution to the problem. Two hours after I informed the father that our son was home at me (I did this the moment the boy stepped foot in the house) and I proposed to let everyone calm down for a couple of days and we parents talk between us in the meantime, the father appeared agressively at my house demanding to take the boy that was crying shaking at the stairs home with him. The boy refused, the father started screaming at him to cut the crap and get downstairs and come with him so I called the police.
Tuesday I went and informed the school of the situation and our son told them he was afraid his father would come take him from school. An hour later the school calls me to inform me that his father had called snd tolled them he is picking the child up for a docs appointement at 11. I went and took a very scared child from school and drove straight to Child Services where we both talked with social workers separately. My son for one and half hours and I for three. I agreed that communication should start again with his dad and we should all try to find a solution to the problem and they amde the father promise them that until the situation is cleared up, he should not go to the boy's school. They also told me that I am doing the right thing, under the circumstances, and after what our son told them, to not let him stay overnight at his dad's.
Thursday I found the father on his way to our son's school AGAIN, so I took the boy and the father and went back to Child Services where the same things were repeated. The father refused to leave the child services building and the social workers had to mislead him in a room so me and my son would get out of there. Next day he came over to an agreed visit to take our son go-carting and the started pressuring both of us as to WHEN will the boy sleep over there again. Even though the boy says he is tired of talking about this and does not want to talk the father pushes and demands and when I say this is enough he tells me I am encouraging him to NOT go there.
Yesterday, before he came to pick the boy up, he called me and told me that Child Services have no pwoer over him, nor does the school, that after Child Services talked to them, the priniple called the father and told him he is NOT to take the child out of the school. We agreed on mediation but he says that he wont wait until this is settled to have his son back at his house. Then the issue with the overnight stay at the grandmother happened.
This is very difficult for me. I cannot be seen as prohibiting contact but I am scared of my son being coersed and manipulated. I feel that we are being bullied to sgreeing with the father and he wont let either of us calm down.
The boy has told me many times that he cannot resist what his father is telling him when he is alone with him becuase he is afraid of him. He wants to talk with his father only together with the social workers that have been talking to us about his feelings.
I am totally lost here...