Ex partner and I split in August, we've been living separately since early October. All very amicable at first, we'd pop round to each other for tea etc. He has our 2yo DS every weekend. He has really struggled with the separation because of being apart from DS and I've gone out of my way to make it as easy as possible on him - letting him pop in after work etc, spending time 'as a family' here and there. I had to stop all that a few weeks ago as it became clear that he thought we were going to get back together (or rather was putting pressure on me to go back) and I needed to distance myself from him.
Unfortunately I still work for him (PT) and am trying to keep this going as it allows me flexi time which benefits DS. It's getting harder and harder. He was always controlling but it has ramped up in recent weeks and he has turned nasty as he can't get what he wants anymore (me round there all the time) He has been picking DS up from nursery one night per week and bringing him back to my house, bathing him and putting him to bed but things are so bad now between us that I don't want him in my house. We can't even have a conversation without it turning into an argument and he shouts me down which really upsets me as it's so frustrating.
He wouldn't let me pick DS up from his house this week as he didn't want me in his house. I told him that i didn't want him in my house either and so I would be picking DS up from nursery from now on. He went ballistic (at work - humiliating) and went and picked DS up anyway, dropping him off at my house but not coming in. He's now refusing to give up picking up DS and I feel that I simply shouldn't back down - I have let him cow me for so long and he's still doing it now we aren't together. I feel I need to make a stand and show him that he can't dictate to me anymore - but how?? I could tell nursery not to release DS to him but he would go anyway and cause a scene which wouldn't be good for DS and would further humiliate me when I'm at such a low ebb already.
I used to be such a strong person but years of being with him have changed me and I'm ashamed of the person I am now, I'm frightened to stand up for myself and he simply won't listen to me. We haven't been through court to determine access as I felt it would be better for DS if we kept it out of court and kept things pleasant between us but now I'm wondering if court would be the best thing - maybe he will listen to a court order?
And it would kill me to have to find a new job. I'm not as mentally sharp as I was pre DS and have no confidence, plus I'd need to do more hours which would impact DS and maybe a court wouldn't look favourably on that?
Thanks for reading if you've got this far, it's a ramble brain-dump sort of post but the crux of it is I need advice. How do I stop ex from walking all over me ref this nursery issue??