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Separating on good terms (Advice needed)

8 replies

SharSat · 25/11/2015 19:35

Firstly, Hello to everyone who is reading this!

I'm here to ask for advice, as I have never experienced this before and have no idea where to even start.

I'll hopefully give you some details to help assist in the advice you can provide.

My wife and I have been married nearly 4 years. We have decided, on mutual grounds, that we want to divorce. The relationship is amicable, and there is nothing malicious in the reasons that we want to separate.

We currently live together in a rented house. Everything we have, including the rented house, is in my name.
We have no joint accounts, no children, no mortgage together, and no joint financial interests.

We thought it would be as easy as filling out a form, and getting a divorce. But apparently we have to wait two years, and prove at the end of this that we have been separated for two years before we can even begin to apply to make it official.

The only thing in all of this that we both agree on, is that we want some sort of clean financial break. I want to ensure that my pension is secured, and that she knows what she is entitled to for the time we have been together. We have both agreed that this is fair, and have also agreed we want to make sure we can't claim against each other in the future. We know how we are going to split the few items of furniture that we have together, etc.

Any advice, or a good starting point, is highly appreciated.

The few people I've spoken to about this have said it is an unusual situation as it isn't usually so amicable, and there is usually children or a financial situation involved.


OP posts:
OhPillocks · 25/11/2015 23:20

How about going to see a Solicetor together and getting it sorted. I think it's best to get proper advice.

Well done for keeping things amicable. I hope everything works out for the both of you.

TooSassy · 26/11/2015 07:51

Yup. We don't have no fault divorce in the UK.

Either you wait 2 years after legal separation (if both if you agree).
Or one of you can file against the other citing 'unreasonable' behaviour. This is a tough one as given you are amicable one of you will need to list reasons why you cannot remain married.
I.e. We are sexually mismatched and haven't had physical relations for x length of time
She/ he's very messy and we cannot live together etc.

The reality (as I understand it) is that it's very rare that a judge won't grant a divorce once unreasonable behaviour has been cited as in effect one party is saying I want out. But you do need to give reasons.

Start with some legal advice and I'd go to a mediator to hammer out a financial framework that can be rubber stamped by lawyers.

SharSat · 26/11/2015 08:07

Thanks for the info. I'm going to be seeing a solicitor, but at £200+ per hour I was hoping to go with a basic understanding to start discussions.

I'm mainly looking for advice on the following:
A clean break order can't be agreed until the divorce, which means we have to wait two years.
If my financial situation changes within that two years, i.e: I get a hefty pay rise (or something similar), is that taken into account despite the fact we'd have been separated for two years?
Also, does the Pension Sharing Order only run up until the time the separation starts, or will they take into account the pension I accrue during the two years separation aswell?

OP posts:
wannaBe · 26/11/2015 08:20

You do need some legal advice, but it's entirely possible to do it relatively inexpensively esp if you are in agreement on the financial details.

In the interim you can get a separation agreement drawn up which can be used to form the basis of the consent order on divorce.

This will state your financial position towards each other and will also state the date of the separation at which point the finances should be calculated. hth.

SharSat · 26/11/2015 08:22

Thank you for your advice. I will be getting legal advice, but just wanted to know what the possible options are.

We have both agreed we don't particularly want anything from each other. We're going to sort out the material things we have purchased for the property we rent, but regarding savings, we have both said we will leave them alone and we'll keep what we already have.

I assume this is entirely acceptable to do? I.e: They won't go through my s2bx finances and tell them that they have to give up X amount of savings, just because they have more than I do for instance?

OP posts:
iminshock · 28/11/2015 17:14

YOU DO Not need a lawyer. I've done it twice !

Minime85 · 28/11/2015 23:40

Did ours without solicitors. Much easier and helps it stay amicable we did unreasonable behaviour route which exh saw before I sent it so not a shock. We then drew up consent order once nisi granted ourselves using an online firm.

gessami · 07/12/2015 23:51

one of you can petition for unreasonable behaviour and the other draft it. ie you apply citing her unreasonable behaviour but she decides what it says on the form. or vice versa.

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