exH dropping hours /days at work in a bid to get 50/50

[throwingpebbles]

We have two young DC. I have always worked part time, been main carer. ExH on other hand worked away a lot and for long stretches and rarely had a day off

He is now seeking 50/50 and drastically reducing his hours in the run up to the hearing. Can he do this? It feels like a race to the bottom to me if the court allow him to do that?

(We both earn very similar amounts)

Perhaps instead of letting him screw you around start limiting his contact now - he's proven unreliable for weekdays so start saying no - in writing. Yes you pay for the childcare but the stress is not worth it at all.

Surely if you are 50:50 (let's say week on week off) the resident parent pays for any and all childcare costs incurred during their week. In a more amicable relationship you might first ask if the other parent could help out (it being understood this is an occasional thing, or contact arrangements should be rejigged accordingly) but otherwise it's your problem. For all you know the other parent could be out of the country for the entire week.

random I get abusive messages and threats of court action for far less he has no sense he is being unreasonable and would take delight in telling Ds I had stopped him seeing Daddy

tribpot I also see your logic but the Dc are tiny still and Dh has no close family nearby that could cover, and when he works it is often abroad/ long hours. So it wouldn't just be daytime child care he needed!

That isn't your problem, throwingpebbles. If he wants 50-50 care, he has to be able to provide it during his time. Isn't this why he's supposedly reduced his hours and cut down on his travel?

Yes, but I don't trust him to stick to that further down the line!

No, absolutely right. These are the points your solicitor needs to be making forcefully - the reduction in hours has come about extremely recently, there are no guarantees that it is permanent and when his childcare arrangements on his time have failed thus far, you have been expected to shoulder the burden both practically and financially. This looks remarkably like a ruse to get out of paying maintenance, not something in the best interests of his children.

Only a minor point but your entitlement to tax credits would not change if you had 50/50 unless he successfully applied for the child benefit to moved into his name.

Child benefit is a good point they don't split it so even with 50/50 the one getting it is entitled to the child related benefits and the other nothing.

Oh ok that would be a relief because I can't imagine getting him to cooperate on paying for stuff!

Is there anything to stop him disputing who the child benefit is paid to, though, assuming 50:50 is agreed? That would seem to be the next trick. It looks as if in the case of a dispute HMRC will decide who it should be awarded to (their income seems to be a factor - although presumably there would have to be a compelling argument to move it from the current claimant in a 50:50 case?)

Yeah that is worrying me too!

I'd maybe see if anyone can help with that specifically on the Lone Parents board, throwingpebbles.

Op is there any reason why it shouldn't be 50:50 ? I mean purely from the children's point of view ?

iminshock I think the ExH has already proved that he doesn't see having 50:50 means that during his allocated time it means he is fully responsible for child matters. During his agreed time to have the dc he suddenly turned around and said he couldn't have them and didn't see it was his responsibility to find/organise/pay for childcare.

50:50 will only work when both parties take on the commitment of what that really means! He wants it name only not to actually have it

Not sure about CB but for tax credits they send a long form out which details all sorts. Who takes them to school, the doctors etc.

imin well, besides the fact he has so far just not showed up to pick the kids up on his days if inconvenient, and expected me to pick up the tab...
ExH has anger problems (hence why I left); uses every opportunity to communicate as an excuse to berate me and abuse me (and a lot of communication must be required to make a 50/50 arrangement work well); and a few other reasons too specific to put here.

And in terms of specifically how is that bad for the children - a 50:50 arrangement, so the child having two 'first homes' can only work where there is real stability and co-operation. Stuff has to be able to move freely between the two homes as well - clothes, toys, books and school things. The child can't have two sets of uniform, each marked with the owning parent's initials, assuming handover day was Sunday evening, you would want the child to be delivered each Sunday with clean uniform for the week ahead. The chaotic arrangements which the ex-H will inevitably impose will be extremely stressful for the children.

Quite trib their dad won't let them bring any toys from his and constantly fails to bring back stuff I send with them.

Does he do anything in terms of washing their clothes or taking them to doctor's appointments when they're there? I suppose at the moment it is only EOW and one weekday.

I do all Drs and complex series of other medical appointments etc

Not sure he needs to do much washing

Be careful. This could be a ruse to reduce the amount of money he pays to you and your child. This happens a lot in the run up to court cases, and then when the matter is over, the hours go back up as does the salary, and you will not see your fair share. I don't know your ex, but spending more time with the kids is sadly rarely the honest reason why hours are dropped. Be very cautious. And make sure you are covered for all the lump sum / car / maintenance you are due under the law.

Oh I am absolutely sure this is why he is doing it thejanuarys. I just wish the courts were more wise to that motivations.