Affair - Decision Help

[wanttotry]

I have been with my DH for 8.5 years married 3 I am 29 and he is 36 we have no children. I had an affair starting July 2014 during a bad patch with DH. OM is 30 years old and no ties. I separated from my husband in March this year to try and make a decision. I am still seeing the OM but still fear the idea of going completely public and completely giving up on my DH. We have not yet filed for divorce. We stopped our relationship and only spoke via text I have met him a couple of times recently to hand over some belongings. He knew of the OM before split and it counted towards the reasons we separated. My DH would like to get back together and I picture the future with him that I had always thought would be and it gives me doubts on my long term decision. He has security plus all his positives and familiarity. But I am still seeing OM and the connection and happiness I have with him is something I know if I gave up I would really miss him and the relationship. I couldn't ever go straight back to DH until over the OM I know that but my feelings sway from a long term future back with my DH and a new future with OM. I tried to do the right thing by being honest with DH and separating. I have doubts on which way to go. I keep thinking to continue with OM and I may feel like it wont work and make me appreciate my DH more - but both have good qualities which I would miss. I know I am pulled back to my DH with the thought of avoiding divorce and selling my house. But my OM brightens me up hes funny makes me happy makes me laugh and gets on with my family & vice versa. I do not get on with DH family at all. If I was to get back with DH we would have little to do with his family. I have a very small family and it saddens me how limited our family lives would be. OM has a lovely family. Has anyone had a similar situation where they left their marriage but had doubts - what decisions did you make or things did you do to help your decisions and move forward properly?

To be honest, no I hadn't thought of separation before resuming contact with OM, but things were certainly not right before he came back on the scene.

I have recently told him how things are and he has stepped back so I can get some clarity. Also going to relate counselling with DH in one last attempt to fix things, though even the counseller has suggested thinking about if separate houses was an option, much to DH'S dismay.

On one hand life's too short to be unhappy, but then again having what I want is unfair to so many other people. But I wouldn't be leaving to set up with OM as that would be complicated, it's just he has made me see I could be happier.

I am think you have grown up in your 20's and your dh is not the man for you. I recall getting to 28 and just feeling like I finally knew myself., I was also married to the wrong man howevery he had alcohol issues so easier to make a decision.

Your marriage sounds over, of course it would be best if it worked but it won't. Deal with the marriage ending, don't commit to OM in any way. .allow yourself at least 1-2 years to heal and then start to make decisions.