Advice now exDP has ended things ...

[tessie31082]

We've been on a 'break' that I initiated 2 1/2 weeks ago. He has basically ended the relationship tonight. Our DS is 2 1/2 and living with me at the moment (exDP is with his parents at the moment) - what should I expect to happen if things turn sour with him and it goes to court? Will they do 50/50 care at his age or will they do one or two days a week after school and 1 day at the weekend or every other weekend? It terrifies me to think that if it went that way that I and DS would be apart and I'm not sure how I'd cope while he's this age! Can someone with any experience with DC's this age let me knew their outcomes?
Thank you, Tessie.

Tessie13082 I don't have a child your age but I'm a former lawyer so I can help you.

What will happen much depends on the attachment your DS has to his father. It will also depend on where each of you live and travel times going forward. The is NO PRINCIPLE of shared 50:50 care in law. However, when children are in secure attachments to both parents and the live close so it doesn't disrupt routines, it can and does work though not for everyone.

You also need to keep in mind that what your DS needs will change significantly over the next few years. Routines you agree now may not be appropriate in 12 months time.

The legal standard base point for contact of school age children is every other weekend, half hols and alternate Christmas. Fathers Day etc if parents live close then mid week overnight is common too. Much depends on ability to parent, attachment etc and the pace will be dictated by your DS needs not yours or the father.

I know that it is hard to accept that you will have to let go but if you can keep good communication open it will be easier for both of you. Christmas is nearly here so begin to think now how you will spend it so you both get precious time with your DS. Is it possible to spend the day together or part of it? Who will wake up with him this year?
Good luck

Tessie get yourself some legal advice, once you have someone fighting your corner who knows what can & can't happen most of this anxiety will go away & you will feel more in control. You are not totally at the mercy of outside influences, what DivorceAlchemist says above is a very normal access arrangement (one that I have as well) so have a think about alternate weekends & come up with a schedule that seems fair to you.

I left when DS2 was 4 months old & my DS1 was 3, it was hard but its manageable. We are not talking about days & days of your ds being away, just a night or two. It will be fine :) also a divorce is a very emotional thing sometimes & although you may not believe me now its very helpful to have a weekend 'off' where you can have a load of wine or gin & work through your sadness or anger without worrying you will wake ds upstairs. Later on you can go out with friends or have a social life. My sons are fine & they are used to this arrangement & quite like going to their dads as there are different boundaries none & its all about having fun, they look forwards to it. I have a dp now & for me these 'free' weekends are the chance to do the stuff we would have done if we had met pre-children, its a valuable time for us as a couple to do romantic stuff, we do all the kid stuff the rest of the time :)